Ruby Rings

Inspired by the self-consciousness we share, this is dedicated to The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot, my favorite poem

She sees me,

reading Prufrock at a party,

resound and weighted

down, tangled up,

streamed like air,

plain vapors in the sky

lined by light blue beryl.

 

I only catch a flash,

beautiful and beau monde,

a face that twists my insides

 

The voice only envisioned.

My hints of admiration curtained.

 

This day of agony

will keep the poem with me,

too close, too fiery,

as time meanders away.

 

A singed photo echoes

past its corners,

and I am sent to sleep, burning,

and moaning, drunk as a stone…

the ruby rings in her ear, perhaps.

Reviews

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Haunting and intense!!! Such vividness, as always you prove yourself to be a master of imagery. Well done!

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Very nice. I would write more about it, but I am stuck in read request Hell and working my way out.

Great job!

-Gabe

[Kara Emily Krantz]

hey, this is a great piece :) i really liked it

"a face that twists my insides"

loved that imagery. i also liked how it was kinda... obscure, not too concrete or tangible, almost like the way you would really feel at a party, half in and half out of reality.

hugs

[Vince]

Drunk as a stone...first time I've heard that one! It's great what poetry can do sometimes, make up up new phrases and metaphors that wouldn't work in prose and make it make sense.

I've never read that T.S. Eliot poem, so I'm probably missing a lot of allusions and all, but it was still good nevertheless. The mysterious she...

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A stunning write - I would assume the him is Eliot but that would be my guess - a great write - compelled me the whole way through. Exceptional imagery. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This poem really flowed together and then just seemed to stop abrutly for me at the end. I thought there was going to be more to it and then there was the end. I really like the details in this one as well.

There is a part in this poem that sticks out to me. It seems as if it shouldn't be there:

This day of agony
will keep him with me

I have no idea where the "him" came from and had to read the poem over a few times to see if I had missed something. It might be a simple type - o or it was on purpose. If it was on purpose I suggest that you make it clear to your audiance where the "him" came from.
Other than that, I really liked it and hope to see more work from you.
Best wishes.

[Michael W. Farrelly]

My favorite poem also. Something like this might inspire the mermaids to recognise your ability, and may earn you song from them ;-)

[J.P.O.et]

Good work, Travis
One thing, 'This day of agony will keep him with me', who is the him
you are referencing. These are her thoughts?
'A singed photo echoes past its corners', really like that
Nice read,
J.P.O.et

[BrightEyes]

you have a distinctive way with words - your word choices astound me at times, Travis. A wonderfully descriptive write - which conveys an emotional turmoil we all can relate to, having experienced it at one time or another. excellently done.

laura

[Kelly Scheppers]

Magnificent! Your words resound in my soul, Travis.

You are quickly becoming one of my most favorites to read. You're consistant and concise, and just damn good at writing!