The End Has Ended

When nothing exists anymore...

Charred coals of aged color

eclipse the wasted land,

an Earth as flat as western Kansas.

 

The sun remains in place

behind the black sky,

captured by a lack of eyes.

 

The oceans iced over

like a picture,

countless waves still reaching,

relentlessly, never to be

eased back into itself.

 

The air gave in to gravity

and fell flat to clutch the dust,

so the mountains were crushed,

and the wind had no breath.

 

Time has slumbered,

and decided to sleep in.

The moon no longer rises

and the stars’ light gave

up on touching this night,

because the end has ended.

Author's Note

Brand new.

Reviews

[Vince]

If it were me, I'd un-capitalize Earth in the first stanza. I get the feeling you're talking about earth, as in land or dirt. But if you meant the planet, that's ok too. And oh how I'd wish time would slumber. Stop itself a little so I can catch up. Imagine being able to stop time and just do whatever you want, good, bad, however you want to. The premise is great. It's actually the premise of one of my favorite books, The Fermata by Nicholson Baker. It's a fun book.

[Maxwell]

Haha, I'm from Kansas. Western Kansas really is extraordinarily flat...

Anyway, on to the review! For one, creativity oozes out of this (you have an excellent brain, sir). However, I'd like to see even more here. More creativity, more imagination, and refine your metaphors. There's really nothing else I can say without telling you exactly how I would change each line, because it's very solid right now. Just... not quite your best.

Hmm, here's something specific that you could start with (if you plan on revising, which it doesn't particularly need anyway unless you plan on publishing): "Charred coals of aged color" I assume by aged color you mean black? I don't really know much about how coal ages, so that phrase really isn't helpful; for all I know "aged color" could be hot pink, you know what I mean?

Anywho. It's a great piece as is, but in my opinion it has the potential to be extraordinary. xD

[The Archangel Gabriel]

All you need is The Doors' "The End" playing in the background to make this poem complete. A great picture of The End with a host of wonderful images. Is this The End by the heat death of the universe? I wonder...

Great write! Very well penned.

-Gabe

[DR3AM3R]

wow this poem is really nice n u sound like ur an expert at writing...i was wonderin if you can review mines to see if there good or how i can make them better i would really appreciate it

[Shara Faskowitz]

Very good writing. Lots of interesting imagery a reader can work with. I'm not sure about "itself" because the referent for that word is either "oceans" or "waves," both of which are plural. But that's a small fix in a very well imagined piece of writing. Thanks for the read!