She Rains As Snow

 

 

She rains as snow,

sticky, a freeze,

and stings my face

as the hill slides, stiff,

windy flakes,

drop sideways,

a reason to stare

down.

 

Prickled winter,

white water drops

on the gray sky

but floats, and lands below,

freezing.

 

“Why is your breath

so cold?” I asked.

Instead, she gave into

herself … and was frozen.

 

Snow angel,

lay beneath me.

her sunken body

stiffens my blood.

 

I stand straight,

dust off my backside,

and walk hasty,

away, she

left to warm fate

of footsteps,

snow shovels,

and sun rays.

 

Lay still,

and the clear blue sky

shed her tears.

She dripped,

“I am all alone.”

 

Her eyes

remained there,

two icy spots

to watch the sky.

Reviews

[J.P.O.et]

Very descriptive verse here, Well done
'A reason to stare down', very simple line but you set it up so well with the prev lines
describing the 'windy flakes, drop sideways'
'Her eyes remained there, two icy spots to watch the sky'
Beautifull ending, great piece but
What about the meds?
Keep up the good work
J.P.O.et

[Vince]

Rich and descriptive indeed! The only thing I'd change is the line of dialogue given to her, the "I am all alone." I'm an advocate for the deletion of trite phrases like that. If the piece speaks itself, which it does here very thoroughly and well, we wouldn't necessarily need interjections from characters. I like how the stanza ends "She dripped." more anyway, it's more absolute and definitely more powerful in this case! The piece overall flows like a waterfall down the page (oh look, the poet in me is developing ;)

nicely done

[Kara Emily Krantz]

lovely. i love the descriptions here....

""Why is your breath

so cold?" I asked.

Instead, she gave into

herself � and was frozen."

that was my favorite verse. overall, a great piece

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Beautiful.

This one is simply beautiful.

It makes me want to cry to think that this woman is frozen but I am glad she is able to watch the sky. This is a very descriptive poem and I could feel the coldness in which the poem seems to give off. This was very well written.

Thank you for sharing it.

[TL Boehm]

frigid. frostbitten. chilly poetry. Well done.

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

WOW ... I love this what an emotionally powerful piece. I especially loved these lines:

"she

left to warm fate

of footsteps,

snow shovels,

and sun rays."

Incredible I loved it.

[Travis Lawrence]

Yeah I decided to take out the part about the meds. That was just a starting point and I never developed it. The poem works better without it, definitely, and I think it makes the overall message clearer. Thanks for the input.

[Maxwell]

Mmm, I like this one. Very good imagery and alliteration. Great poems use both the physical (cold, iciness, falling rain) and the emotional (isolation, despair) interchangeably, and you've accomplished to great effect.

One criticism, and my only one on this piece: I do agree with one of the previous reviewers... it's a bit confusing. I don't know, perhaps that's just the style, but to me, personally, it would be a much better poem if it were clearer. However, as is, it's still an excellent poem.

[No One Important]

I am not sure what this means exactly but it flows nicely and is rife with intense frustration...Well done.

[Kelsie :]]

wow this poem is very deep. i had to read it a few times to get the main point. it made me really think. this is a great piece!!