Living In this World

when I wrote the first villanelle, I also sketched a second

Write for me a sonnet with its fragrant petals lovingly unfurled

At your side long may I traverse, but understand-

I may never reside completely in this world.

 

Remember dancing when above us the stars they blazed and twirled?

Take those vignettes and transform them in your poet's gentle hand-

Write for me a sonnet with its fragrant petals lovingly unfurled.

 

Upon the auroras I placed my desires as a bud, tightly curled

This ship has never fathomed the quietude of safe dry land;

I may never reside completely in this world.

 

Yet some part longs for a life of love, tangled chaotic and whorled,

Can you make me cherish a proffered wedding band?

Write for me a sonnet with its fragrant petals lovingly unfurled.

 

Somewhere out away from me dream after dream died and swirled;

Though I tried to grasp each and desperately make my stand-

I may never reside completely in this world.

 

The best I can say is that a new vision for us has amazingly uncurled

To hold me I require a token of something timeless, beautiful and grand;

Write for me a sonnet with its fragrant petals lovingly unfurled-

I may never reside completely in this world.

 

Reviews

[lawrence bear]

Yet some part longs for a life of love, tangled chaotic and whorled,

Can you make me cherish a proffered wedding band?

Write me a sonnet with its fragrant petals lovingly unfurled.

I may not reside completely in this world.


these are awesome words, partly here and partly else where. Sounds like an undecided relationship for this person, but thats my opinion. :) Great write.

[Larry Dyson]

well written sonnet...sonnets are a required piece like..(IMHO) BROCCOLI or brushing for at least 5 minutes....but you may just influence My opinion the opposite ..when you write and flow them this well...this one made Me think of My antique roses...and the lovely thorns as well...made to endure the storms..and daily living..ty

[Mark]

My impression is that the sonnet you want written is but a metaphor for the patient, gentle act of creation that a relationship requires. The loving act of unfurling it is like the day to day revelations of the beloved's character, of the depth of his love, those infinitesimal, moment to moment acquiescences that show his love and steadfastness. Finally, to acknowledge that you may never reside completely in this world presupposes that you exist in a higher plane, a realer reality than the grungy milieu we are forced daily to deal with. I say, Brava, to you!

[Dane Osborne]

I enjoyed this. i usually don't like repetitons in poetry but you actually handled it well and it added to the flow of the poem beautifully. To me(just my interpretaion and feel free to correct me if wrong) this seemed to be about the conflict between the desire for a whimisical fantasy world that would be more pleasing and being confronted with harsh reality for what it really is. I see no wrong with this peice and i if i did I would point it out. Very solid poem:)

[J]

You make this villanelle your own, and delicately, lovingly so.

[JCharo]

Loved it. The rhythm, the repetition, the content, pretty much everything about this poem is lovely.