Different points of view

written for Tovli's Ten contest

You

sat there

and

upon

rolling waves

you did

drive

ideas

far away

for them to die.

 

I sensed though,

wheeling

in

distance,

forgotten

child dream

clouds

clutched

to

earth.

 

 

Reviews

[Alessander]

This has an almost zen haiku feel to it. Like both the imagary of the ideas going to die and the clouds clutching the earth.

On that note, I would've liked to seen the last part of the first stanza be more concise to kinda parallel match the last, in other words, take out "for them".

Small detail, and I can see that u left it in perhaps to clairify, but damn it, this is a poem, the more obscure the better! lol

Nice work

[Helen Crutchett]

Very nice Marie! A wonderful waltz wave with the given ten words. Well done!
Thank you for submitting this to Tovli's contest!

[Tracie Skarbo]

Oh wow... this is beautiful..the flow is sublime!

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a subtle sense of minds and hearts, clinging or pushing away... moving away in isolation, or desiring the child's dream life. Beautiful and poignant!

[Ed Hart]

the appearance is simple, just a few easy words, almost nothing; but, like all good poetry, the simplicity of telling is really a hall of mirrors, is really a huge basket...