Different points of view

written for Tovli's Ten contest

You

sat there

and

upon

rolling waves

you did

drive

ideas

far away

for them to die.

 

I sensed though,

wheeling

in

distance,

forgotten

child dream

clouds

clutched

to

earth.

 

 

Reviews

[Alessander]

This has an almost zen haiku feel to it. Like both the imagary of the ideas going to die and the clouds clutching the earth.

On that note, I would've liked to seen the last part of the first stanza be more concise to kinda parallel match the last, in other words, take out "for them".

Small detail, and I can see that u left it in perhaps to clairify, but damn it, this is a poem, the more obscure the better! lol

Nice work

[Tate Morgan]

As pax might say nice Tao

[Georgia Gypsy]

very interesting form, i love the minimal usage of words---they pack such a powerful punch all on their own!!
great job!

[Doctor JKC]

I find that in unequal relationships
too many compromises and adaptations
can occur.
We lose ourselves and dreams/wants
just to keep it together,
just to keep it together.

Great form and message,
Hugs, Jack

[Raivenne]

Very pretty, Marie. I like the sense of hope in knowing that, despite it all, the dream is still solid.

[angelina neves]

very beautiful!

[Clockwork]

This is a nice fit for the form. The images that close this piece are very telling and strong. I like the feeling of movement that your lines convey. You show the ability to take your deep meaning and condense them into a limiting form.

[Terry Collett]

Impressive poem. I caught that child dream. Good, small image, but good and maybe says more about you than a whole book.

[W.k.kortas]

The learned Mr. Hart has, not unsurprisingly, hit the nail squarely upon the head; there is no ornate gilding on the words, no literary bric-a-brac, but the piece is as big as the waves, as wide as the sky. Utterly affecting little piece of writing.

[cest la vie]

Oh My.. beautiful..