To Our Men While We Are Awaiting Our Visitor

C made me do it...

Enjoy the D-cups while ye may

These breasts so fantastically swollen

tender and sensitive defines the day

as this week, ye shall also often find me bawlin'.

 

The glorious feel of abdominal bloating

as my pants go up three full sizes

and progesterone makes me start doting

on the world's saddest headlines as the sun it rises.

 

This time be best which just precedes

my womb's monthly gifting

the littlest slights upon which my temper feeds

help make my company now so damned uplifting.

 

Be not shy, dear man, and use this time

to fleetingly partake of this bosom of thy dreams

if you survive this week to reach your prime

bulwark thy self for next month's banshee screams.

 

Author's Note

I've been posting a lot of dark and sad stuff lately... thought I'd break it up a bit.
Please enjoy my romp, and see it in the spirit in whcih it is meant.
By the way, folks, this is why I don't typically rhyme. It all comes out like Dr. Seuss on acid when I try.

A tongue-in-cheek rewrite of Herrick's classic "To Virgins, to Make Much of Time", hence the reason for the antiquated structure, the ye's and thou's, etc. This is NOT how I normally write.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Banshee screams, indeed. I'm giggling now, trying to write something serious. True, nature does lay a peculiar burdon on women folk, but please look at us guys. Not only are on the receiving end of said screams, but we have to forgo doctor visits and suffer with all manner of physical affliction. Even if you could make us see a doctor, we won't allow ourselves to ask directions to her office.

[G. K. Bostic]

ROFL! I think I like Dr. Seuss on acid 'cause this cracked me up!

[Lilly]

haha - this is brilliant - such a fun, quirky piece and so well written too.

[Through the Gateway]

This. Is. Just. Hilarious!

Very well written, and a perfect nod to its inspiring work.

[Terry Collett]

I am not usually a fan of thy & ye in modern writing, but this works ok, although you revert back "your" in line 15. But all in all an enjoyable poem and one I shall add to my favourites.

[FiveOrchids]

You do not sound like Doc Suess! That was pretty damn awesome to read, f*****g blew me away!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Okay that was quite hysterical, maybe I should tread lightly so I don't get a blood backlash, LOL... there I go again...
I do like that you were able to make such fun piece bout that special time of the month.

[Christopher Todd Dallas]

Fun piece.
And truthful reflection.
If you care to adjust it, ditch the archaic words. Even when used in patterns and hybrids, they are generally off-limits/taboo. It would be a very rare instance to see someone pull off their use in a unique way.
"thy" and "ye" especially since they are inconsistently used here.

[Una Xoto]

very funny indeed. it made me smile this morning.... nice piece