Bess

A gentle nod to a fierce predatory creature with which I share my home

Bess

“Oh my stars! What’s wrong with your cat?”

I hear this a lot when people meet Bess.

Bess has a condition called "cerebellar hypoplasia". While most cat owners become convinced over time that their pet has part of its brain missing, mine actually does. Her mom was a feral queen, unvaccinated, and contracted a virus, known in lay terms as distemper, during the critical stage of brain development while carrying her litter. The virus wiped out a crucial part of the developing kittens' brains. As a result, Bess was born missing her balance center, the cerebellum.

To live with this condition, she has had to kind of compensate.  She had to be taught what other kittens do by instinct- walking, using the litter box, standing, eating, etc. Her neurons fire differently than other kitties’. She doesn’t think the same, feel the same, or walk the same. She walks like she’s drunk, and she holds her legs at an exaggerated angle. She uses the entire hind leg, from the paw to the kneee, as a plantar surface, kind of like a rabbit. She is unsteady on her feet. She… wobbles, like Jell-o. She cannot jump really well, so Bess actually scales furniture like the world’s smallest rock climber, hooking her claws into the fabric and climbing hand over hand until she struggles to the top. She is the only cat I know that thumps instead of slinking up stairways. She occasionally walks into walls and falls down stairs.

I felt sorry for her for about one week, after bringing her home to be Porgy’s mate (Porgy and Bess- of course!). That was until the day I watched her in the living room, teaching herself how to jump. The concentration she displayed was uncannily human. It was no less than that of a child determined that he was going to overcome some embarassing lack of ability, and he wasn’t going to give up until he got it perfect. She worked on jumping for two solid hours until she nailed it. I’ve never seen any other cat concentrate for two hours on anything before except maybe sleeping. Even laser pointers get dull after a while. So, I refuse to help her with much around the house, in order to preserve her considerable dignity. Instead, I rearrange furniture, hoping she doesn’t notice I am trying to make things a little easier. There is only so much a mom can do, and so much she can hold back.

I can never be sure how she perceives the world. Her brain had to lay down new working pathways in unusual configurations to compensate for her dysfunction. It is very possible that these improvised pathways connect parts that normally would have nothing to do with each other. Watching her, in fact, I am convinced this is true.  I think for example, that she perhaps tastes what she sees, and feels whatever it is she hears. When she walks, I imagine that she is really smelling the changing surfaces of the floors as her tiny velvet black paws pad across them. Perhaps she is actually a phenomenally gifted poet, trapped in the five-pound body of a crippled cat?

Of course, it is easy to dismiss the fact that she is still a little predatory animal. This is probably a sin, but I laugh until I cry watching Bess on her relentless hunt to seek and destroy all resident moths in my home. She usually misses as she makes a sort-of-running leap and swats just to the left of where they are flying. However, this is Bess- she keeps at it until she doesn’t miss. She doesn’t waste anything, promptly consuming all she catches with loud, smacking sounds emanating from her lips. She is polite- unlike Porgy with his mice, she does not vomit little half-digested moth carcasses all over my floors for me to scrape away dutifully before work. Good kitty, indeed.

For all that is askew in this little creature’s body, there are many things that are simply perfect. She is one the gentlest animals I have ever met. As stated before, she must climb the furniture to get on it. She does this for the sheer joy of being close to a person. As one friend pointed out, “It is hard not to love something that puts forth this much effort just to be with you.” To enable her to scale obstacles, I do not trim her claws, and they are sharp as honed daggers. Before she begins climbing, or jumps to a spot she can reach, she always judges the distance from her claws to my body. If I am too close, she will signal me to move. I think she truly feels sorry when she accidentally hurts someone. When climbing, and she reaches the edge, she tentatively reaches out to make sure she won't hook me before she makes the final push to the top.

This cat is also an empath. I awaken every morning with her tucked neatly into the crook of my arm, gently licking my inner wrist with tiny, unobtrusive flicks of her tongue and cradling her head perfectly in my cupped hand. She stays like this until I have remembered my dreams, and only then jumps down to demand her breakfast. If I am on the phone with someone who is hurting, her reaction is astounding- she climbs into my lap, and cries until I let her sniff, and nuzzle the phone. The more lost the person, the more insistent her attention. Again, I think that the pain of others perhaps becomes a visible thing to her, because of her unique condition. I imagine she sees an aura of distress and feels compelled to comfort it.

This gentle little creature is a holy terror to other cats. Since she turned 18 months old, she has been the dominant force in my house, and that is including my own person. There’s something wryly amusing about watching my encumbered black demon chase perfectly able-bodied felines up the stairs and into hiding.  On wooden floors and steps, she sounds like a miniature herd of hoofed mammals- the world’s smallest wildebeest stampede. I cannot help but laugh outrageously at her. Luckily, she forgives my mirth. Once the danger to me of the other cat has been vanquished to exile in the top shelves of a hall closet, she comes running back to me, as if to say, “Look mom, I protected you” while rolling over to show me her soft furry belly. Like a puppy, she writhes under my attention and caresses, licking my hand. Life is good.

Yep, my cat is different. Destroyer of moths, vanquisher of feline menaces, midwife to my dreams, and consoler of those in need of solace. Poet Laureate of my household. Five pounds of brain-damaged wonder. Learned pupil of the Ministry of Silly Walks. Like the Harlequin in Ellison’s classic story, she seems condemned to view her entire world, and everything in it, just a tiny bit slantwise. I can totally relate to what that is like.

There is nothing actually "wrong" with my cat.




 

Author's Note

This is the true depiction of a crippled cat I adopted in 2005.

As of today, 7/7/13, she appears to be entering the final days of her life. She has been painlessly riddled with tumors for a few years, and now they have started interfering with her ability to eat an drink. Words cannot describe how much this tiny creature will be missed.

Update: Bess gave up the fight today, 7/8/13. Her "dad" held her through her final minutes, and she was buried on the property, out in a beautiful spot where her disability never let her wander. She leaves behind a hole that we will never be able to completely fill.

This story was published in 2012 in the anthology, "Animal Tails," available on Amazon. You can find the link on my profile page.

Reviews

[fauxcajun]

I am so impressed with this / I am impressed with your wonderful, wonderful cat / I am impressed with your fantastic ability to write this piece which took me on so many different emotional jaunts / I have fallen in love with Bess, and I am a dog lover / I like cats, but I am a dog lover / However, I love Bess / Bless the circumstances that allowed this special feline to not be shoved aside as worthless and "damaged" before you got to her / I am not all that big on these warm and fuzzy stories, however, in this particular case I had a lump in my throat a couple of times as I read about Bess, the cat / Thank you for giving it to us to read . . .

[Mark]

"There is nothing actually WRONG with my cat..."
How often humanity are both able and willing to dismiss the differently-abled. This is a story literally about a conqueror, one who may not have known that she was at all different from the other cats and creatures she endured in her life. Who well might have asked, "What's the deal with their legless elevating and non-meandering walking? How hard it must be for them, not to be able to use their limbs as voluptuously as I can!"
In other words, it is not the misstructuring of her brain that made her what she was, but the perception of those about her.
Accepting what I know about your belief systems, and agreeing to politely disagreee with you thereon, yet Bess is the consummate proof that God permits (what we perceive as) disability specifically in order to cultivate a new gamut of talents: Bess had persistence, determination, tenderness, discipline and a freight of other, most uncatlike qualities that she would not have had, had her cerebellum not been (what we perceive as) compromised in the fashion it was.
PS: Having read the subsequent three chapters of this autobiography, I now know that there are layers to you I had never previously suspected....and my reaction to the learning of which I would prefer to discuss elsewhere. No words of praise could conceivably do this cat, these words concerning this cat, or the author of these words adequate justice.

Here is my paean to the first cat who changed my life...there have been several since:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/mark090854/384147/

[Marie Anzalone]

Dear Mark: I cannot tell you how much your kind words, and your acknowledgment, meant to me yesterday. You might be surprised to learn how much my belief systems may overlap with yours. I believe this tiny animal was sent into our lives as a Teacher and Guide. She was definitely more than cat; all those who actually knew her could attest to that. Not so far off from what you believe. As for the words I write, I have never known how to write anything but the truth. I am also learning that it is hard for me to leave truth unwritten.

Thank you for the link; I have added it to my library and hope to get to it very soon. I imagine it will be filled with the gentle wisdom I have come to associate with your words.

Thank you for the love and friendship today, and every day.

[Sorry Infamous]

Well I wasn't prepared to cry so early this morning but I am glad you shared this beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend. There is nothing actually "wrong" with your cat. Well said.

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank for read, review, and compassion, SI. They all helped to make a tough day, a little brighter and warmer.

[Antonio Valentino]

what a wonderful story about your adorable kitty kay. i have a black cat too, his name is, MowMow, he was found outside a taco bell one night several years ago.. he is like a son to me.. he was just a tiny thing when he adopted me and i had to go buy some little baby kittie bottles to feed him formula until he started biting the n*****s off, the milk spilling all over my chest and shoulders. When he didnt poo for the first week i got him i called the vet, she said that the mother sometimes has to lick the butt of the kitten to stimulate it to get going, she said i could use a warm washcloth instead, good thing huh.. when i did he took the biggest poo ever, i was so proud of him.. he would nestle in the crook of my neck and to this day he thinks im his mother haha.. he just got some stitches on his left front leg recently and has had to wear one of those lampshade neck collars around his neck to prevent him from messing with the wound.. he had that on for over two weeks and it was just heartbreaking for me that he couldnt lick or scratch his neck or head.. he would just lay there not understanding why i was allowing this to happen to him and it just sucked.. i just took it off him yesterday and now he is as right as rain and back to his old sweet self, thank god.. your story really puts into perspective the bond between human and pet.. they really are our family members.. and the day god forbid something ever happens to him, i will celebrate his life with me, but it will really be devastating and i will miss him forever.. bless you for being such a compassionate animal lover which doesnt surprise me in the least bit.. i like to think that bess came to you for a reason, because you are one of the few people around tender hearted enough to appreciate her for who she is.. this was such a sweet story thank you for sharing it with us.. give little bessy a big hug for me and mowmow ok.... bless you both :)

[Marie Anzalone]

What a beautiful story you recount, Antonio. Ah yes I have worked with critters my whole life... I know about the washcloth trick. And even the enmea with an eyedropper of water and dish detergent trick. I am laughing as I read this because well... it is raining outside here. Pouring. Porgy, my old male cat who has earned the right to be crotchety as hell, wanted out when I got home. I opened the door for him... and his disgusted look told me that he definitely holds me accountable for the damned weather LOL. They do beocme mirrors of us don't they? And yes you are absolutely correct about sharing our lives and missing them. I had to leave behind a love;y dog in Guatemala when I left my service there suddenly. She was "only" a mutt, but she was my darling. 10 years later I still miss her. I dreamed about her for 5. I have never dreamed about any man nearly that long lol.

I am glad you stopped by and enjoyed this piece. And my little girl greatly appreciated the belly rub she just got on your behalf. Thank YOU for your tender caring heart. Stay drier than I will.

[Antonio Valentino]

bess and porgy are so lucky to have you..

and so are we

you're a very special story teller, and person

:)

[etxcp]

awwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how sad! :(

[Christy Sargent]

Ah Bess....what a darling you have described. I live a few hour's drive from Best Friends animal sanctuary in Utah. My first visit there, we took the tour and visited one of the several "cat houses". It was like a very nice residential home on the outside. Inside it was divided up into different cat rooms (for the different needs of the cat residents. Each and every cat had it very own food dish and bed and specially prepared diet as needed. Amazing. When we first entered the house, there was a adorable kitty cat who jumped down from it's window seat where it kept track of every new visitor to the house. When it walked, it appeared to be drunk, like Bess, and it was cross eyed. It was comical to watch but when we asked about it we were told the kitty cat had neurological issues. Regardless, this kitty became the designated house greeter and she did a great job of it. She was so affectionate and purrrrfect for the job.
Your wonderful, compassionate piece has reminded me of our first visit to Best Friend's cat house.

[Jamie S.]

The biggest blessings come in the most unique packages. Blessings to Bess, she sounds like a sweetie :) Thanks for posting this...a joy to read!

[Jocelin]

cute really cute
also poooooooor kitty
i love cat's and if my cat had that i would cry a lot

[Mark]

it has always been the broken things of the world--the autistic or Downs' kids, the semicerebellar cats--that take some of the stuffing out of the shirts of the rest of usBess...well, she de bes'!
PS: Aren't wildebeest and gnu the same animal? YOU know what I'm talkin' about!

[Vesa Lee]

Wow. I've never met her, never seen her, never touched her...but after reading this, I -love- Bess!
Some say that children and animals are proof that God has a sense of humor, and I believe it.
This perfectly proves the point that it is often times the flaws, not the strengths, that endear us to others.
Bess is a beautiful, wonderful being.
One that reminds us that there is something amazing inside all of us...even if we -are- missing half our brain. :)

[Ellen Hammond]

What a lovely story. Bess certainly is an example of perseverence and empathy. This write captured my interest and held it through to the end. I love your last line too. It is all a matter of perspective. Just as people who have less than perfect brains or bodies can excel in perseverence, unconditional love etc. We can learn a lot from those society as a whole tends to shun or look down on as being damaged goods. Thank you for sharing this delightful tale.