The Milkmaid's Tale

my alter ego ran away giggling

The Milkmaid’s Tale
My alter-ego, Continuous Unfunny-Pun-Girl wrote this, not me...

Don’t say you were not warned…

This is a cheesy piece of writing, and I apologize, but their interactions really were such great fodder for a story.  If this doesn’t make your toes curdle, nothing will.

Bessie, the milkmaid, was a beautiful young brown Swiss girl, tanned from long hours in the sun tending the animals. Cy Ledge, the farmhand, was a leathery corn-fed young lad from the Ayreshire. They met while working on the same farm just outside of Moosic, PA, recently after Cy moved there from Jersey.

It happened suddenly one day, when Bessie was doing the chores, that Cy was kicked in the calf by a heifer. “Hay!” he yelled, “Help me! I can’t moooove!”

Bessie herd him, leaped from Hereford truck, and hoofed it to his side.

“Manure a mess," she said, helping him to his feet. The she looked into his eyes, and was udderly stricken. "Sir, " she said breathlessly, "I am unabashedly thinking about your loins"

Apparently, he felt it too, for upon catching a glimpse of her creamy bosom, he said to her, “And I must confess to being completely cowed in your presence. Would you be so kind as to accompany me to the local Watering Hole this evening? I think I need to get tanked to see where this goes"

Later that night, under the stars, while the herd was quietly moon, Bessie decided she could wait no more. and took her bull by the horn, steering him whey out to a nice secluded spot. She truly milked the moment, and him, for all she could. He in turn staked his claim in the tall grass.

Unfortunately, the tail did not have a happy ending, as Bessie later confessed when polled about it that really she’d been very disappointingly short-horned. 

 

Author's Note

This is why animal scientists should not be allowed to write creatively...

Reviews

[Mark]

Cowched in the cheesiest meadowphors ever! Either he did, or Elsie didn't, I can't say. (Steak her claim, I mean!) Never saw hide nor hair of her since though, I reckon; look! Is that her, cowering on her rump-roast? Catch that CUP-Girl! Shucks! Missed! The hunt was to Noah Vale!

[Through the Gateway]

Oh. My. Sweet. Deity of your choice.

I don't know weather this is complete hogswallow or absolut genus.

[Marie Anzalone]

Jake- duration or length- take your pick...

[J. A. Svercek]

I don't understand what "short-horned" refers to. Is this animal terminology? Rest of it is delightfully cringe-funny.

[raining]

I gotta story like this, I will publish it...

[raining]

A moood piece perhaps. I personaly loved it. The humor was great, the tit for tat ironies. Just letting go and being funny....great!