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poem: Gracious and Loved

poem: Gracious and Loved

A Chapter by Marie Anzalone

for Aleia

 

You are a gracious and subdued child

eyes to the ground, a voice almost

never raised, a heart made grateful for

every small gift bestowed upon you,

like I was, at your age, uncannily so,

I think. A soul that has been convinced

it is made for "making do." Do you also

at Christmas wait until last to open

all of your own presents, purposely

holding back your natural excitement

in measured secret heartbeats only

you know? Do you write your desires

deep only in journals, and hide them

well, even from your own prying eyes?

How often were you told "you can do

anything you want as long as it looks

the master plan for you?" Do you arrive

first to parties and help with preparations

so the host can enjoy her time? Is the

love you deserve proportional to good

behavior and do you sometimes in the

dark leave bite marks in your pillow

from teeth clenched in a seething rage

and your face hot and shameful and

your breath catching in ragged gasps

as you choke down something beyond

your grasp that you are so envious of

that others have come to them so

damned easily? Do you stand outside

under trees and wish you could be

absorbed into them, stand besides

rivers and wish you could melt, do you

know what I am talking about a little

bit maybe? If you do, there is something

I want to tell you, something you need

to hear: a girl was never created to be

her momma's maid servant; you have

a right to choose your own course and

destiny and learn whether or not you

have wings. You are entitled to and you

deserve exactly everything in this world

that will make that empty space in your

chest fill with the joy and wonder of being

alive and all you ever have to do to get it

is the single hardest thing you have ever

done in your entire life. It involves the art

of swallowing a metal rod and inserting it

surgically into your own backbone, and it

involves letting yourself be first in line and

taking that journal and defining every

beautiful thing in this world you wish

could be yours, letting your fingers dance

over their surfaces and then taking a deep

breath and looking ahead, being goddamned

selfish for the first time in your 16 years

and just plain asking for them. I promise

you the tears will be hard but not as hard

as the ones you will cry if you always just

accept whatever scraps are handed to you.

Take it from a grown woman who has been

there. I see YOU. You deserve to be loved.



© 2013 Marie Anzalone


Author's Note

Marie Anzalone
for my ex boyfriend's beautiful daughter. I won't get to see her this year. but I want her to know I am still here for her and always will be. Love you, sweetie.

My Review

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Featured Review

in my own way i relate to this...many years of therapy trying to learn that i deserve to have what makes me happy...i have this tendency always to feel that i owe or that it is my job to take care of others first, and me last...and that i don't deserve...learning we deserve in life is tough...

this poem is really a wonderful insight into that...and it is advice that should be heeded, Marie.

jacob

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Is there anything tougher than believing we deserve the bounties that this life has to offer? We go .. read more



Reviews

You love her so much!
It's Beautiful... everything which made you produce such a piece!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I so wish someone had told me these things when I was that age....my mom likes to tell everyone how supportive she was of me throughout my life...but she was the voice who always told me I couldn't 'do' things because this or that or education etc would cost too much money.
Of course now she is the reason my business is doing so well, she taught me everything I know....at least according to her.
I forgiver her now, she didn't know any better and wasn't raised an optimist.

Wonderful words, I hope this young lady goes far and Soars!!!
GG

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

You are successful in so many ways besides just the business, GG. And yes, I wrote this to her, reme.. read more
unlike others, i never had therapy of a psychological nature....but i have endured many years of pain from physical injuries and seen so much suffering that i can easily and rapidly identify with anyone who has difficulties...don't know how you do it, writing like this without becoming affected (i'll wager you are) but you certainly struck a chord within me....some may interpret this as a pity party, i know i have been accused of that very thing, however, i see this for what it really is...a plea for empathy and a declaration of love and devotion. well done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

quinfinn

11 Years Ago

i wont go into it....i have been accused of sympathy hunting when writing of another's death recentl.. read more
Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

we have a culture that tends to make a spectator sport out of meanness and cruelty. we can either ch.. read more
quinfinn

11 Years Ago

count me out......always. there is enough suffering without adding to that malady.
What a beautiful, heartfelt dedication to one so dear... Yes... how we too often take the scraps from the table, when there is a feast awaiting us if we can just avert our eyes and our souls long enough.. You lift so wondrously here... you give wings.. and you speak on the winds so they rise under every softly shaped feather... I was shy once upon a time... and I heard then that "still waters run deep..."

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Still waters run very deep, Craig. It is difficult for any of us who were raised with the belief tha.. read more
An owl on the moon

11 Years Ago

And smiling in the warmth of your heart and hug... You are always helping dust off the wings of thos.. read more
Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Craig, I so have been needing to hear something good about myself here. How do you always know? I ho.. read more
' You deserve to be loved. '

Had to wipe my tears away when i reached the end of this wonderfully sensitive piece of writing. Am so pleased and relieved to read that sixteen year darling has read your words, Rachael. More than wise they are, more a blessing born from heart, brain and earthborn soul. For so many young girls. life's hidden by and in a mess of hurdles .. takes time to escape from dark shadows and, strangely, to step from light shadows you didnt even know existed. There are so many phrases that hit me as being part of a remedy, tho so much of it comes from inside.. but this is a life lesson:

'.. you deserve exactly everything in this world ~ that will make that empty space in your ~ chest fill with the joy and wonder of being ~ alive.. '


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

She has been through so much already... I hope she sees and reads all of your words of kindness that.. read more
emmajoy

11 Years Ago

Those last three lines, awful, like a contrived tragedy .. and yet more real than real. Pray it all .. read more
Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Thank you. As we say here in Central America, "de corazon, gracias." ["from the heart, I thank you.".. read more
Your imagery is so powerful and I loved the wording, you've done another great write and I'm sure she'll love it, amazing as always Marie.

~ Noodle.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

I will let her dad know. She could use some friends and some good news today. She's dealing with all.. read more
s y e

11 Years Ago

Awwww, well I'd love to read her writes and all, get to know her. Sounds great! Awwwww, poor kitty :.. read more
s y e

11 Years Ago

Is she on the site, yet?
you do this to me, I think now on purpose. poem as epiphany, as the sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something that needs discovery. (fialed homeostasis, letter to
a soul sister). and at the end there is a triumph to puase over, an epoch that begins a new period of
development. being 16 is formidable. being a 16year old teenage girl can be one of the more
terrifying conditions on earth....right behind witchcraft......right before being at cedar point and
standing in that long line for the roller coaster..

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Do you remember what it is like, dana, to stand in that long line for the roller coaster, ticket in .. read more
I wonder how many of us can see some resemblance to ourselves in words like this. It is funny, when you feel this way about yourself you grow up thinking you are the only one...or feeling deficient for not being a go-getter- for putting others before yourself, or whatever. If only we could teach our girls how to find that middle, the place where they can care for others while also caring for themselves- and see the value of the space they occupy in this life.

This is beautiful, and I think many girl hearts could be lifted by such words. Here's to hoping they have someone in their lives to recognize and remind them of their value- outside of others.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much for this kind review, Sylvie. I read once that there is one surprising statistic.. read more
I hope she hears you... and this is insight into you as well, i presume. I wonder how much stronger it makes us, to start life this way, not having the life we want handed to us easily, socially obscure, hiding in the dim light we see ourselves in, and then, finally, stumbling upon the courage to form that backbone ourselves, and speak the words that had been frozen on tongues for all of those years. And I do know this girl ... she was me once too, so very long ago...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Marie Anzalone

11 Years Ago

She was you, she was me.. she was so many of us who fight every day to make it better. Men and women.. read more
Horizon K.

11 Years Ago

My dear, this admission is heartbreaking... I am so glad for you that this moment came despite how l.. read more

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1023 Views
12 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on July 5, 2013
Last Updated on August 9, 2013
Tags: control, stifled, teen-age, girl, love, decisions, dififcult

Peregrinating North-South Compass Points


Author

Marie Anzalone
Marie Anzalone

Xecaracoj, Quetzaltenango, Guatemala



About
Bilingual (English and Spanish) poet, essayist, novelist, grant writer, editor, and technical writer working in Central America. "A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to ta.. more..

Writing