poem: failed homeostasis

under enough stress, or in face of prolonged adverse conditions, many animals enter a state of reduced activity in order to preserve vital functions

 

 

my breastbone is split in two, today-

       the angels watching over my heart

     thoroughly excised it instead,

           for safe-keeping, sawing

    through bone and anesthetizing

       all connections;

        vital processes deactivate

     for the spirit's protection.

 

you are right- i have no control

   over you, this space

  is yours to use and destroy

     as your fancies determine. i am

    invisible, voiceless;

   disempowered to prevent

     decaying slump into uselessness-

 

rust and rot, a relinquishing-

   half a decade of carefully selected

     investments, lovingly tended, vanished

    overnight. It is, as you say,

      no longer mine to notice,

 or mother. and last night, that last piece;

 

the one still determined

    to wake you up, to make you care

  to shine love into worn places-

      went dormant. it curled into a ball

exactly as I have lain so long

    under your victorious glare

   each time I surrender another

        earthly concern

 

you ask what went wrong,

  why the thing you love most, fled-

   you demand a why of your gods;

  fists pounded on doorframes, upended

    tables, broken chairs: why did i do

   this TO YOU? you rage; and the

        answer is so simple you missed

   its truth.

 

what failed is nothing

   so complicated as designs to wear

  down dreams and replace them

      with others, but simply that there was

     no way for the organism to thrive

          when it loses all control over

its home environment. homeostasis

        cannot be achieved.  

 

  

 

 

Reviews

[TLK]

I can tell you're a biologist. An excellent use of academic precision to dissect the messy world of human emotional responses.

I would call this the screech of an indignant meteor -- except slowed down, organised, made intelligible. But no less powerful.

The penultimate stanza shifts from the earlier introduction to and excavation of the main problem, and keeps an unrelenting gaze on the victim/perpetrator (always a compelling subject of writing). The way the lines toss up the evidence of the emotion with the narrator's calm response is done so easily that it would be too easy to ignore its genius.

The last stanza extends this response so far that it seems to leave nothing left to say. It is an extremely fitting end to the whole.

[jkhatz]

I simply love how all of Marie's personalities are reviewing this poem she wrote, including, but not limited to, jkhatz, the infamous Dog Faced Girl.

[Marie Anzalone]

LOL, jk. Has anyone told you lately that you are a beautiful woman? TLK: your words here are an appreciated balm on some rough days. Many people, who know nothing about science or scientists, scoff and claim that knowing about the world destroys its magic. I find it opens new universes and endless possibilities, and I find it helps me focus my rage or pain when nothing else can. If the rules we set for ourselves as individuals or as a society defy the rules of basic physics or biology, physics and biology are going to win. Every time. My trick is to try dissolving into the larger picture. I am usually wildly inaccurate, mind you. But sometimes... it fits. I disappear entirely sometimes, and it scares me when i get even close to getting it right. I honestly do not know what I would ever do with that power if I were to get it right.

Hopefully something more meaningful than all of the harassment I have been accused of, lately.

Thanks for reaching out... sincerely.

[Emily B]

blinding honesty, gentle but direct, full of pain, unwilling to inflict any more than the bare minimum

i feel you right here at my own breastbone, i think i have split in two through sympathy

[Marie Anzalone]

thanks, Emily... you got the meaning behind this one very clearly. It is a very difficult line to walk sometimes, hard and straight and deadly. I am only sorry at how much I know you recognize it as your own, too.

[jkhatz]

F**k it. I have to be a raging fangirl and I don't care what anyone says about it! This is so beautiful, so rich and thick in laid with charisma, metaphor, detail and perfection. I can't say enough.

I am so glad I've had the chance to meet you and get to you know you. You're truly one of the great writers here. You deserve better. You deserve an a*s-kissing agent and a glowing publisher.

[Emily B]

she definitely deserves more praise and less blame, did that sound sycophantic?

[jkhatz]

No more than my review. Lets create a religion with Marie as our shining deity. :D

[jkhatz]

What pisses me off is she's had 25 views and only my review. I can only assume that people are so blown away by her skills, they leave with their tails tucked firmly between their legs.

[Emily B]

oh, but we're the jealous ones, or did I imagine that?

Marie is the bravest woman I know. A soul sister.

[jkhatz]

Oh, that's right, we're jealous. I completely forgot. I'll have to keep a scratch pad with me at all times so I can refer to it to tell me who I am at any given moment and how I should be feeling.

[Emily B]

at least we know now that you and I are not the same person, that's progress right there

[jkhatz]

Yes! We have written confirmation! It sucks, though, I was really excited to be you. Darn it.

[Emily B]

it's highly over-rated, believe you me!

[TLK]

You are the same person, and so am I, and all we do is endlessly log on and out of this website to fake-converse with our each-other selves.

[jkhatz]

I just said nearly the exact thing in response to your (Marie's, mine, ours... oh, it's far too confusing, now) review.

[Emily B]

but i am taller than i used to be, my voice may falter, but my truth is boiled down to the bare bones honest

even when i am inside out

[Marie Anzalone]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh folks I am so thankful for you in my life! I defend my half-written thesis in 7 days; in ten I get back on a plane for a 3rd world country. The last week's worth of days have been some of the worst of my life. My cat died yesterday, on Mother's Day. And you folks have me laughing so hard tears fo gratitude are streaming down my cheeks. Lord, I needed that today!

Thank you so much for the reviews. Please understand if it takes me a little while to get back to y'all here. Busy and stressed does not even begin to cut it right now. I am dosing myself with the herbal equivalent of Xanax, and sleeping with car keys in my bra, just to keep going.

[Marie Anzalone]

PS: Deity my a*s. If I make it through the next 2 weeks sane, I will be defying 5000:1 odds. I do not drink [I told you all I am really a horribly boring person]. But this next week ahead of me might just be the thing that makes me start.

[jkhatz]

Girl, I never expect anyone to read my stuff, let alone you (which is me, which is Emily and TLK and, oh what the hell, AK, too -- so many personalities, I can't keep 'em straight!). :D

I am so sorry about your kitty! It's devastating losing a pet. I hope you're ok. Glad we could put a smile on your face, nonetheless.

[Emily B]

we're here for you Rach