poem: Note 2 Penned for a Friend on New Year's Eve 2012: Human Sparks

Because you, out of nowhere

appeared thus,

and you challenged me-

you drew out the poison

as with a syringe,

and made me stop, breathe.

Listen. Stilly.

 

Then birds sang

and I followed you halfway

before I thought

you were better off

not knowing.

 

But just this, now...

the wind blows

and there are fireworks tonight.

 

I think you knew I needed

your steady hand

on my literary shoulder

because every time I cried

you were there;

even though you

perhaps never knew.

 

So, then, thank you.

Your friendship blew over me

like a cold front

relieving a decade-long heat wave

and maybe the only human sparks

we will ever experience

are the secret ones

tucked in my ventricles.

 

Where winds

cannot touch them,

but that is ok, too.

If you think it is of you

I write,

you probably do know

the truth.

 

 

Reviews

[LJW]

Your words are achingly, lovingly, joyfully, longingly personal.

There are a few writers here who dare to expose their inner selves on the page. You are one of them. There is a gift of confidence here. In your interactions with other writers you are an honest champion of others. I like you. Beyond that, I respect you.

(Is "stilly"a word? I tripped over it. Reread and tripped over it again. Thought maybe you meant "silly" but it obviously didn't fit. Had to tell you. You know me.)

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you, LJ. I can say that, Likewise, I have always admired and respected you for the searing depth and honesty you put into your words on the page. Others will write about a walk across the marsh; you'll make us smell the dank saltwater and watch an egret soar. Others will complain about stale love; you'll put us in the woman's head counting cracks in the ceiling during an episode of dismal "lovemaking."

For a long time, I was afraid to put most of my words on the page. Indeed, I still fall back on an old trick; hiding things in plain sight by trying to carefully disguise it when I am indeed writing about another writer. A few have learned to see through me. The recipient of this was another writer, and that person did know. That was all I needed.

Emily told me something once that I never forgot; something about authenticity in writing. She told me that when she felt there was something too personal to write about, she knew she had to reach for the pen and start putting down words. I took her advice, once I realized that it was also my right to reveal as much or as little as I wanted.

"Stilly" is a word, in the AHD, it means "quiet, calm." :-)

[LJW]

OK, now that I know it's about another writer, I have to rered.

You remember the cracks on the ceiling (it was actually not exactly cracks but close enough)??
That was from A NOTE I'LL NEVER LEAVE BY THE COFFEEMAKER...
That time was when I knew my marriage was sucking the life out of me. Now much later it's INTO THE VOUD. Man, I don't know how. I'd manage my life w/o writing about it. It takes all the raw unfiltered saddening frustrating maddening indecipherable paralyzing mutating generalized tumultuous emotions and gives them a voice that speaks to me in my own language (kinda like Swahili) and it all makes sense to ME finally; like yeah, THAT's what's going on. And I can make peace with the turmoil somehow. I'm still amazed anyone gets my real personal pieces.

You are good for my soul.

[LJW]

* Into The VOID, that is*

[Marie Anzalone]

I have an almost photographic memory for some things. That poem of yours affected something deep and painful in me. Advocate and I met on here, we took a chance, tried to make it work. It did not. Was not the right way fulfilling. Hard, hard, hard to admit. He and Clockwork and VanellaMargame and I had live poetry readings around the fire sometimes. Our own work, classics, modern things that inspire us. Just sharing, not competing. The last one we had, the most bittersweet for being the last one we will ever have, I read that one of yours. I saw recognition of what I have been trying to say for so long- saw it flicker. It hurt. There was a lot of hurt boiling, a lot of sadness. The one I wrote this for... he was there. Witnessed it all. Helped walk me through my own words. A quiet miracle. Sometimes, the connections we make here, are more real than anyone we actually sit down and have a cup of tea with. That is the truth.

[LJW]

I am learning that. I am the quintessential loner, of course, taken to the extreme. It has been my adult history that I evaporate and become vapor in a relationship. My life has been about avoiding and denying this truth, trying to make adjustments so it becomes a part of who I USED to be, or wallowing in the discomfort and unfairness of it all. The kicker is I've been married four times. Yes, 4. Divorced all 3, in process of dissolving the fourth. The first 3 were unhealthy individuals (so was I, but they were worse) and this one is a healthy individual with issues of low self esteem and co dependence that I can neither fix or tolerate. My path is carved out alone and I cannot wait. After being a Mom for 36 out of my 53 years< I may not know what to do with myself but I'll find out right quick.

Is Clockwork from the NE area too? When you come back to CT, I would l9ove to sit around the fire with you and read poetry.

This one piece, Into The Void, encapsulates perfectly where I am. Glad you can relate.

[Marie Anzalone]

a hard place to be, Linda. Hard truths, the teargn down walls and freeing ourselves kind. Know that loner or not, I will always have a hand extended in true friendship to you. Clockwork is from PA, but had spent 3 summers with me, writing and figuring out life. I see no reason we could not all get together with a little planning. He LOVES Massachusetts. I may try for a summer visit this year if I get an income, if not, then fall.

[LJW]

Fall would be perfect. I was born/ raised in MA. I live in RI now. I spent summers growing up on a dairy farm on a lake in Milford,PA. So I have a love for PA.

I'm becoming much more social, even here on the WC....

[Marie Anzalone]

I think it suits you well :-)
I love Rhode Island. My grandmother was from RI.

[Friday]

Very interesting piece. If it's a repost I wouldn't know being rather new to this site. The piece develops interestingly and the wording makes it quite light and that seems to fit the content. Beautiful!

[Marie Anzalone]

Repost only in the sense that you can choose to refeature an older work. Thank you, Friday, for stopping by, and for your kind review. This was an experiment adapting to another writer's form... we often do that to challenge each other around here. I like the way the other poet uses simple structure to convey great meaning and deceptive depth. Still learning. :-)

[Tree]

I have read this before, but I had to stop by again when you re posted. I like how you whisper your words into the realm of the WC and offer us this/ offering; of appreciation, to the person who knowingly or unknowingly gave of them self. Your poetry, always brimming with substance and importance has no doubt been a guiding light to more than a few of us, also. I know it has to me. A moving homage, Raquelita. Thank you for sharing this


Diego

[Marie Anzalone]

Your kind words are much appreciated, Diego- it is always an honor when a writer as gifted as yourself appreciates one's own attempts to apply some order to life's chaos. I can tell you that sentiment applies to me, as well, about your writing. It is funny how little we can ever really know about how our crossing someone else's path can affect it, with or without our knowing. You correctly, thus, surmised my reason for penning this piece. I do like for the important ones to feel appreciated.

[Horizon K.]

Lovely poem, and I wonder who this was penned for... Because as I read this I cannot help but think of all my friends on WC, the poets especially, whos words have challenged me with their perspectives, visions, emotions, digging deep sending me into places I had never been on my own...And I having visited their writings have gained something that I otherwise may never have had...So that is what I am taking with me from this visit...

[Marie Anzalone]

Yes indeed as poets we do connect here, in this amazing space. I have commented on that theme many times in many different ways... in my own poetry, in prose, in comment, in private message. As many know, I also lived with and almost married a fellow writer I met here on WC; we are still very close and supportive. As to who this was written for, that shall remain alas my purview to disclose or not; I will say that what you took from it does the recipient a great honor. If we could harness half of this creative energy here for the gretaer good, how far we could collectively go...

I appreciate your words and review tonight, Horizon. Thank you very much for stopping by.

[Horizon K.]

O.o.. I had no idea about the WC romance... Fascinating...curious as to who:)
And I've been wondering iif I don't learn more from understanding someone else's experiences than experiencing it myself... The spectrum of humanity... My current take on the poetry I read here...

[Marie Anzalone]

it is no secret, the writer I lived with is the Lonestar... he has not been active in a while but promises me he is making a comeback. Spectrum of humanity... that is such a good way to put it. I always learn most by reading work by those working above my ability level with words, although there is much to glean from almost all skill levels. We all have such a varied viewpoint and experience.

[Horizon K.]

Still... so beautiful... perhaps one of the first of your that I read, if I remember correctly... affecting... and now I am so so sad again...

[Marie Anzalone]

I know... me too

[Emily B]

it is good to always have a place like this to go back to

[Marie Anzalone]

there are some doors that if they opened, I would step inside and shut the door a long time, methinks. The beauty is, they are so important even if they never do. Even the threshold makes a fine place to sit and think a while.

[Georgia Gypsy]

Oh so heart felt this is, I too have been here....visit it often in my mind and heart.

I really enjoyed reading Antonio's review as well, and I agree it is like poetry.

GG

[Marie Anzalone]

Thanks, Kel... yes, Antonio gives such great reviews, truly a gem. You should check out his writing, too, if you have not yet done so. And I know you have, and do, on both counts.

[Donald Meikle]

Knowing truly where you are is of worth

[Marie Anzalone]

Thanks, Donald. Yes, it is. In my mind, one of the most valuable things.

[Ken Simm.]

Where do you find such a friend, can I borrow them? Actually I do have one of my own and really wish I'd said all this to them. Incredible is no exaggeration.

[Marie Anzalone]

Ah dear Ken... IMHO, all forms of love are needed int his world... romantic, Platonic, admiration of another's art or person- and should be shouted from the rooftops of every city across the globe. The world needs more love of life, not less. As for where we find them? Why righthere, ofcourse. They are all around us. No poet has ever existed in a complete vaccuum; I think even Ms. Dickinson, with her marriage to her art, had others who inspired her. Think of the great literary and political hobnobbing of the ages. Is that not what we do here? And how easy is it for an artist, true to his craft, to not fall a little in love with another who strives perfection on his or her own, and vice-versa?

"It is always far, far later than we think."

If you have one of your own, borrow my words or draft your own. Why not tonight? S/he deserves to know how much more brightly starts shine in your world knowing it is shared with the likes of their inspiration.

[Marie Anzalone]

*stars

[Ken Simm.]

Oh but I have and I do. Regularly.

[Marie Anzalone]

That is one lucky woman, then, my dear friend. I hope your words are accepted and appreciated with the same depth of sincerity in which they are given.

[Ken Simm.]

Still waiting for her to see the latest but they are and they are.

[Ken Simm.]

But I still stand by my original statement.

[Corset]

This could work so well for many of us, these soft lines of how a person wishes things could be, I hope this new year finds you in the arms of this poem, in that billow from whence it came, because it came so gently, I pray that it will be so, because this is love ...what better thing to wish for you. :)

[Marie Anzalone]

I am hesitant to use the "L" word to describe what happens when tow kindred souls encounter each other in a forum such as this, or others similar. Here we show only what we want to reveal. But then, we do that in life too, don't we? Besides the mystics believe that all forms of love are different sides of one multi-faceted die anyway. We who take the art seriously, we embark on a journey as travailing as any marriage vows could be; indeed, what David Whyte calls the 3 marriages- self, work, and partner- seem to coem together in a writer's art, perhaps as in no other place so distinctly. Is it any wonder we seek kindred spirits to help us on this arduous journey, or that sometimes a fleeting feeling deepens a bit, and we wish, even if only for an instant, it could be/ could have been something more? Our desire for human connection is so ingrained, so vital... so necessary.

[Marie Anzalone]

ps please excuse the typos I am typing in bed with a heating pad on my back in late afternoon sunlight

[Antonio Valentino]

i could have wrote this word for word, from somewhere in my bones..

i hope tomorrow when i turn, the page to one more chapter, that the softened words like these are there beneath, your name

lucky is this person who was always there for you, that gave of him for you to have these dancing tears of flame..

sometimes glints of embered warmth are only, safe in heart..

hopefully the miles between, will keep you not, apart

[Marie Anzalone]

I love your reviews, Antonio... they too are like poems. I have had over the past few years several awakenings which made me stop fearign physical tiem and distance. When two souls want to interact, they will find a way. The greater sadness is that the souls interact in perfection, while we humans are so limited in this form. Thus we move cautiously through the world. Forums like this can be, and often are, creative safe spaces for the journey. I learned recently about the beautifully unifying concept of first half of life/ second half of life journeying/ awareness. It was the most profound realization of my entire 2012, and made me re-evauate all of my important freindships, online and off. Here, we second half of lifers have settled, and are searching for something far more substantive than a roll in the hay could possible bring. We share soul space, we dream together, we manifest vision. We are so damend lucky. Even so... it is not the same as settign intent, acting upon physical desire. Related, perhaps, but adifferent animal altogether. One needs to traverse this terrain with utmost caution. The beauty is... it does not always matter. We are poets. We hold alive those amazing moments and fleeting thoughts, in eternity- with a storke of the keyboard, we document our locura in a way that we hope at least someone out there understands. This is what we have always done.

[Antonio Valentino]

soo deep you are my friend.. with a mystical sense that is so curious and compelling.. i think you are on levels i have yet or may never achieve.. and that is okay, and what makes the diversity of our consciousness so wondrous.. without perfection, which is a word that to me has no meaning.. if anything is perfect it was always going to be the randomness of evolution and the beauty of chaos.. where others define violence in the cosmos i see it as, elegance, a vast scope of the, death, of energy to only bloom forth more seeds of blood and spirit.. for me daydreaming isn’t a flight from actuality, it’s simply a way of comprehending it..

[Marie Anzalone]

your words remind me so much of Kahlil Gibran's discourse on beauty (from "The Prophet"), do you know it? If not, you should.

http://www.gurteen.com/gurteen/gurteen.nsf/id/prophet-beauty

[Marie Anzalone]

PS it is not to compare levels... you and I have studied different things, have different backgrounds... I am first and foremost a scientist [literally], thus I have a different persective than probably 98% of the rest of the writers on here... not that the writers here are dumb, far from it... but the 2 genres so seldom blend, even though there is urgent call for them to do so

[Antonio Valentino]

comparison is not a dirty word.. im sure it comes in quite handy as a scientist yes.. and the bit i did touch on was only meant in positive ways which i hope was taken as so.. :) thanks for the link!

[Marie Anzalone]

always positive my friend no worries there