Of Our Own

A parking lot with empty spaces ,

Young laughter fills the air.

A drifter walking through our town,

To his eye nothings there,

But in these parts he doesn’t know

That everything is here.

 

A parking lot with faded lines,

To some it would seem droll,

But they don’t know of what we have,

Oh my, how they don’t know.

 

Surrounded by a wave of hills

And paths of the unknown,

A house for every step you take,

To some this would bring woe.

 

But we escape into a world

Created by ourselves,

We write adventure!

We fill the pages!

We supply those old bookshelves.

 

We’ll leap from cliffs ,

Venture in black caves,

Escape through walls of water.

We’ll walk dirt paths!

We’ll scale up crags!

As the days grower hotter, hotter.

 

And we’ll fly down hills,

Going way too fast,

With insouciance in our eyes,

Apart of the asphalt

It’s in our blood!

We’ll ride into the night.

 

We’ll look to the skyscrapers in the night,

A building tall and new.

For each construction that we see,

A perspective too us new.

 

    And when we’re done a small back porch,

Is where we’ll sit and dwell.

To the stars we gaze,

For perseid will rain,

the dust of the heavens has fell.

 

    So Don’t listen to the pessimistic

Who say there’s nothing here,

For they can’t see what we behold,

To us there’s no frontier.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

What do you think? Analyze, interpret, and critique and overall thoughts. Still some grammar issues... maybe.... still thinking of changing some of the grammar. Title coming soon.

Reviews

[Jonathan Ballam]

You rhyme is well done. Just please take out the word 'woe'. It's old english and poofy! I'm guessing you might've used it to fit in with the word 'unknown'?

That's the only thing I can find wrong with this poem. Well written...

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Very inspirational.. there are silent metaphors interwoven that I can find on a few levels.. the biggest being that regardless of background or where one comes from.. imagination can abound! No amount of money .. will buy passion or painted portraits.. this one is derived from the unity of the bond of a very special friendship.. whereby one is trying to boost the other.. through this writing I felt. A great escape that no one understands.. with this two.. in a world that's "created by ourselves" .. that is the special bond felt.. no lines nor frontier can contain! Bravo.. keep it up! =)

[_////---Elektrik Phanto..]

yo............. clan of vampires?? LOL. sweet poem. i liked the rhythm and the mystery behind what it's 'really' about.... ? clan of vampires ?