A Season's Corner

A basement room

Silence fills it

What’s left to be said

It’s understood

The table speaks it all

A piece of paper with stains of rain

A mix tape drowned in ink

And a cd revealing the subtle truth

A staircase lined with pictures

Leads to an empty kitchen

Worn shoes that need to be filled

Sit near a door soon to be opened

The air hangs heavy with words unspoken

Beneath the exit a moment to embrace

I stumble down steps to a concrete path

A glance back to see what I’ve left

Behind thin glass a silhouette watches

You are a shadow that I cannot perceive 

Luminous lights line the pavement

While cars stretch down a vacant street

I’m drowning in my thoughts

A curb extends it’s greeting towards me

It offers me a port in the storm

Signs of no meaning line a bare road

They are disregarded daily

And I am in succession with them

I can be read, yet you fail to open this chapter

Just as they are ignored and passed by

To the corner I turn in hopes of an impulse

Second thoughts will always act first

And a moment shall be left unchanged

Above the sky the stars are masked

Except the occasional flicker

Caught through a hole in the atmosphere

A mackerel sky is what I reside in

An exodus is calling and if not accepted

I shall turn to an effigy left to ponder till dawn

The door opens as I am ready for course

I am going somewhere

Where you may ask I do not know

But the winds shall take me               

Followed by the faded sounds of a broken radio

I am going somewhere

Author's Note

What do you think? Analyze, interpret, and critique and overall thoughts.

Reviews

[Tim H]

I like the poem and many of the reviewers have some good and valid points. The number of reviews is perhaps a testament to the compelling nature of the poem. For me I read a story that has a beginning middle and end. Starting in the basement the deepest place in a home and figuratively the heart.
The lines : The table speaks it all

A piece of paper with stains of rain

A mix tape drowned in ink

And a cd revealing the subtle truth

Provide a motive for the narrator to leave, divorce papers? You may have to be smarter than me to figure it out.

The narrator then leaves with no place to go and no hope. My favorite line: Second thoughts will always act first

And commits suicide in the traffic maybe? So to me the poem is not all "all over the place," but telling a story.

As far as the technical elements of poetry I feel out of my element, being more of a story guy. I can't say I was put off or confused by the lack of punctuation. To tell the truth I didn't even notice until I read some the reviews. The consensus of the reviews seem to say that it would be better if it was shorter and some offer some constructive was to accomplish the goal. I also love the imagery in the poem. I like the lines: A basement room

Silence fills it

To me silence sometimes fills oppressive, like a pregnant pause and it makes sense to me.
I enjoyed the poem.

[Requs]

I can't say anymore than what Tim said, I can just agree
Only thing would be "flow", it tends to loose that very suductive imegry that was stated in the beginning of your poem

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

I really liked this story. Your perception of your world with descriptions that make these words come to life!
Awesome!

[Pax Analog]

I like the way you use particular objects and reference points to reflect the eeriness of the every day, the peculiarity of going somewhere, of identity, of things, of any consideration at all.

It reads like a journal poem from a simulacrum from Solaris, or a replicant from Blade Runner. The existentially uncanny.

"The table speaks it all/A piece of paper with stains of rain/A mix tape drowned in ink/And a cd revealing the subtle truth" --- here we have the artifacts of creative activity.

"A mackerel sky is what I reside in/An exodus is calling and if not accepted/I shall turn to an effigy left to ponder till dawn" -- deft strokes generating a sense of inevitability re the uncanny referents.

Good stuff!

[catherine julia<3]

i think its genius cause it has deep thinking and all in all it has soul

[changeofseason]

This was very thought-provoking. The poem led me on a journey from a basement room to going somewhere. The descriptions were impeccable, and the poem itself very unique. Nice work.

[Shaunta R. Edwards]

beautiful writing... very very descriptive... i could picture every last detail. I really love your play on words, escpecially the line "second thoughts will always act first" Isn't that just too true. You can feel the emotion within every line. I wouldn't change a word

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Yes very descriptive indeed, if it was a movie it would be in 3-d. It really reflects life and how we must always move forward but appreciate the hear and now.

[black_rose_obsession]

I really like this it goes into vivid detail, while at the same time leaves room for the unknown twords the end as the adventure with the broken radio begins, mind capturingly brilliant. Good work. Keep writing!!

[Ella Emergency]

I really liked this. It was very visual to me...

"Luminous lights" was redundant, however

[Christopher Kneipp]

I like this poem and feel that it fulfils the requirements for enigmatic poetry, those words that allow each reader and even each reading to create a different story. In two readings I have had a child leaving home, and a lovers fight.
Very clever use of emotive language.]

ChriK