A Season's Corner

A basement room

Silence fills it

What’s left to be said

It’s understood

The table speaks it all

A piece of paper with stains of rain

A mix tape drowned in ink

And a cd revealing the subtle truth

A staircase lined with pictures

Leads to an empty kitchen

Worn shoes that need to be filled

Sit near a door soon to be opened

The air hangs heavy with words unspoken

Beneath the exit a moment to embrace

I stumble down steps to a concrete path

A glance back to see what I’ve left

Behind thin glass a silhouette watches

You are a shadow that I cannot perceive 

Luminous lights line the pavement

While cars stretch down a vacant street

I’m drowning in my thoughts

A curb extends it’s greeting towards me

It offers me a port in the storm

Signs of no meaning line a bare road

They are disregarded daily

And I am in succession with them

I can be read, yet you fail to open this chapter

Just as they are ignored and passed by

To the corner I turn in hopes of an impulse

Second thoughts will always act first

And a moment shall be left unchanged

Above the sky the stars are masked

Except the occasional flicker

Caught through a hole in the atmosphere

A mackerel sky is what I reside in

An exodus is calling and if not accepted

I shall turn to an effigy left to ponder till dawn

The door opens as I am ready for course

I am going somewhere

Where you may ask I do not know

But the winds shall take me               

Followed by the faded sounds of a broken radio

I am going somewhere

Author's Note

What do you think? Analyze, interpret, and critique and overall thoughts.

Reviews

[Tim H]

I like the poem and many of the reviewers have some good and valid points. The number of reviews is perhaps a testament to the compelling nature of the poem. For me I read a story that has a beginning middle and end. Starting in the basement the deepest place in a home and figuratively the heart.
The lines : The table speaks it all

A piece of paper with stains of rain

A mix tape drowned in ink

And a cd revealing the subtle truth

Provide a motive for the narrator to leave, divorce papers? You may have to be smarter than me to figure it out.

The narrator then leaves with no place to go and no hope. My favorite line: Second thoughts will always act first

And commits suicide in the traffic maybe? So to me the poem is not all "all over the place," but telling a story.

As far as the technical elements of poetry I feel out of my element, being more of a story guy. I can't say I was put off or confused by the lack of punctuation. To tell the truth I didn't even notice until I read some the reviews. The consensus of the reviews seem to say that it would be better if it was shorter and some offer some constructive was to accomplish the goal. I also love the imagery in the poem. I like the lines: A basement room

Silence fills it

To me silence sometimes fills oppressive, like a pregnant pause and it makes sense to me.
I enjoyed the poem.

[Amy Whetzell]

Your words speak a story to me, and I feel I'm there as you write. my favorite line(s):
"But the winds shall take me
Followed by the faded sounds of a broken radio
I am going somewhere"
Thanks for sharing!!

[Khitii Lae-Ahn]

love that perfectly chosen repitition at the end...its like watching a movie unfold only to find yourself cast in the only role...unable to control the outcome...you go where the winds may blow to fulfill a purpose unknown...this was a very enjoyable read...a moment in motion set in grey with bursts of crimson and sapphire...(ps...sorry i took so long to get to it) ~

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Yes I agree. This poem tells a story. Well Written!

[_////---Elektrik Phanto..]

wow!!! so melancholic- it makes me feel like the world ended and i am the only one left. good stuff, thanx!

[JenLyn]

There's a lot going on here but it's not messy. I agree with Tim H it does seem like a divorce or something of that nature is taking place. I usually don't like long poetry because it seems to be telling too many stories at one but yours doesn't. Good work. :)

[emmajoy]

Seems like a shifting from one thought to another, one life to another .. time and season moving, taking you along with it. Your words move along then gasp into another direction, which means stepping back but then, that leads to thinking more about the meaning of your writing.

I like the loose flow of it -. punctuation can sometimes fragment, whereas in free form, -if the reader readers aloud, interpretations become more personal ..

The going back and forth, almost indecision, leaving someone .. then, moving on..

Hope to read more of your poetry , thank you for sharing this.

[Princess]

Hmmm.
Well first of all I really like all the figurative language weaved into the entire peace and how I could literally feel each thing that was going on, because it was described just so perfectly that I coul;d just see it there in my head.
Like bam!
It kind of bothered my how there was no sort of punctuation, just enjambment and such because I feel like the thoughts are kind of scrambled in a way if that makes sense, like it's jumping from thought to thoughtwithout any sort of thing to weave them together. If that was your intent, then by all means it's just fine, but personally I wouldn't object to a comma or period here and there.
Overall, very thoughtful peice, nicely done! Write on!

[Muhammad]

The way you view things is so descriptive and wonderfully put in this poem. It paints a perfect image in my head, and that's what a poem should do. *Thumbs up*

[:)]

I liked the little journey I just took in your mind. It was fun...
This write is very meaningful. So personal in fact, I'd have to spend a while to piece all of the puzzle together..
I see you looking for yourself trying to find understanding. You are you and you are an artist. Your ready to move forward with your life.. Who knows where but you've all ready started walking..

I hope indeed you are ... :)

[RiNNA<3]

this is pretty good(: good work.(: there seems to be more than one way of interpreting this. and the poem has a good flow and mysterious aura. i like it(: keep up the good work(: