No stars can be seen on a cloudy night
I'll watch them anyway
Two swings empty
After you
Suspended in summer
Night after night
We can leave
The melodies play
We'll bob our heads
A black circle
Nothing's there
I don't mind
Something from the past
Just another story
I'll take the present
Let it fall
We don't mind
A dash to cover
I'm soaked
I don't mind
Headlights glare onto open pavement
It's raining and I don't mind
A house appears
I'll walk in the rain
I don't mind
I'm at your doorstep
The choice is mine
I don't mind
It's the small things
No good-byes
i have to say, that when i saw how it looked like something cut up with such short lines trying to be metrically correct, i was slightly thrown off. but you proved me wrong 200 percent, this is a very nice piece of work. =D
I liked the idea of the 'I don't mind' being repeated. Just like your other critics I also enjoyed the imagery that you used in the poem, it was most effective. Well done ;)
Good job, to me it's about how submissive one can be, in the company of a loved one, how the things that would normally darken your mood seem perfectly OK in their presents, how its all good as long as they are near as long as they are with you
But what do I know?
Well done
Great poem, It establishes a flowing rhythm as the lines blend into one another. It conveys to me a sense of loss as the swings hang empty, death and denial as it rains and the character walks with no good-byes. The question that remains is who died? The narrator or the friend?