Fallen

Over the years
I have built up walls
To protect myself for the pain and hurt
Little emotion is outwardly shown
Crying is not an option
Weakness means defeat
I hold people at arm’s length
Opening up to very few people
So many times I want to break down
But the feeling is quickly smothered and buried
Not allowing myself to feel things
Or allowing others to see I feel
That’s all changing now
Something I was not prepared for
My guard keeps slipping
As I realize I try and throw it up again
Everything is a mess now
What is this pang of hurt I’m feeling?
It feels as though someone is squeezing my heart
Smiling is becoming more and more known
This is all too alien and unfamiliar
So many questions unanswered
I think I am ready to show my heart
But there is no one to show it to
I call out for help
But I am just as alone as before
Closing my eyes trying to shut it all out
I feel as though I am falling
A sense of being overwhelmed engulfs me
It is now that I see I have fallen deeper into myself
The greatest fear is not finding a way out
None at least that I could do on my own
I have always rescued myself
But now I know it’s time to allow myself to be rescued
Patiently waiting for the day to come
Here you will find me waiting