another day

Mornings come easy. The sun rises, children wake and begin the daily routine of early arguments before society takes them away for the day. A kiss goodbye and it's off to the coffee pot to pour life into my veins. I stand there measuring the medicinal grounds and it passes by so quickly, the memory of you. Momentary sadness, followed by a shake of my head. I brush that one off, the day is still too new to fall into the trap of what heartache has in store. It'll have another chance, but for now I have won and I can go on about my day. Hot cup in hand I close my eyes and ask God to get me through, let this not be the day that I lay myself down, too broken to move anymore. 

After awhile I continue on with the tasks laid out before me. Things to be handled, calls to be made, all take up my time and move me along. But every now and then there you are. Your sound, your smell. Its only enough to throw me off for a brief second in time. I close my eyes and swallow, force a smile upon this face and move on. I thank God that one didn't last for long. And I continue. 

The hours flow by like leaves on a mellow stream with nowhere certain to go. It's afternoon and the slight tug I feel pulling my mind to you is starting to make way. As my energy winds down so does my ability to fight off the pictures of you in my mind. The day to day responsibilities start to weigh me down and my feet move a little more slowly. Its starting to win, the aching of my heart, the chatter of my mind. I ask God once again to pull me through, let the innocent hearts of the children playing just outside not recognize the tear that narrowly escapes before I pull myself up straight. Just let them see me smile. 

The sun has set and the hectic evening is settling like a layer of snow on a cold night. The house begins to quiet and I know it's almost here, the crippling sadness that comes along with your absence. It starts in my heart and makes its way down. I'm too tired now from the daylight hours filled everything I needed to keep this at bay. And now I'm too weak. My strength has gone and all that is left is the longing I feel to hear your voice, to feel your arms around my shoulder as I lay my head on your chest, a softened woman wrapped in the safety of her man. The levy breaks and overflows my mind with what we once were. The rain outside matches the flood from my eyes and I find familiarity in the pain. After awhile those tears are like a shower washing away what emotion I had left today, and I'm left empty, with nothing else to do but close these swollen eyes and let the sleep burn away the remanents for just one more night. I'll wake again with tomorrows sun, and do as I've done today. Maybe it will be a little less, maybe a little more. Eventually the thoughts will become few and the sadness will find somewhere else to play. This routine can only go on for so long and someday I'll get over you.