Murder

Murder: What does it make you think about?

Last night a murder took place, occurring in my mind.

Last night a crime scene was declared, set in my heart.

Murder of my hopes, scene of crushed dreams. 

Hardened feelings, destroyed by a familiar beam.

A beam of relationships, a beam I once trusted.

A beam that now I fear may never stand again.

The crime scene was full of evidence showing selfish act.

Burnt emotions and feelings lay scattered across the ground.

With enough evidence to prove myself right.

All I needed was a jury, one with humanity and balance.

One which considered emotions over relationships.

One which considered feeling over money.

One which could get me justice. 

Last night a murder took place, occurring in my mind.

Last night a crime scene was declared, set in my heart.

Murder of my hopes, scene of crushed dreams. 

Hardened feelings, destroyed by a familiar beam.

A beam of relationships, a beam I once trusted.

A beam that now I fear may never stand again.

The marks caused by his weapon go deep with in me.

The weapons he used lie crushed under a burden.

He shards of my heart to sharp to touch.

My shattered confidence to little to hold.

My entire life reduced to a cracked mirror.

One in which even I fear to look.

I have all the weapons in my grasp.

All I need is a shoulder.

One which can share this weight that putting me down.

One on which I can cry my heart of.

But can I trust again.

Last night a murder took place, occurring in my mind.

Last night a crime scene was declared, set in my heart.

Murder of my hopes, scene of crushed dreams. 

Hardened feelings, destroyed by a familiar beam.

A beam of relationships, a beam I once trusted.

A beam that now I fear may never stand again.

I have proof, I have evidence.

Who will hear the echo of my troubles.

Who will give me justice.

I know his face, I know his status.

A masquerade, skilled in a gamble.

A gamble of emotions, the gamble of life.

A friend who will leave you in darkest times.

He said I will care for you like a brother.

But ran of, saying why bother.

I was in trouble, living on the streets.

All I needed was a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, and a helping hand.

They all help themselves leaving me alone, saying why bother.

Last night a murder took place, occurring in my mind.

Last night a crime scene was declared, set in my heart.

I had evidence, I had proof.

Did I need a judge?

I knew him, I knew his home did I need a judge.

All I need now is a shroud.

Can you help me?

Author's Note

Please Review!!!!

Reviews

[sunprincess]

.......murder is a bad decision, cause like most decisions it's final, one can't go back in time and erase their mistakes, erase their actions...excellent write! :) ★

[SCRIBBLER]

Thanks Princess

[sunprincess]

.............most welcome ★

[Ben Noah Suri]

Interesting tale narrated differently.... I hope the betrayal as well as the murder happened only inside your head

[SCRIBBLER]

Thanks. NO I was just feeling down so decided to write a dark poem

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome story buddy! Really enjoyed. Never a good feeling when you get betrayed! Good work :)

[SCRIBBLER]

THANKS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Haley Wilson]

This is crazy good. It's intense, thought-provoking, and leaves an impact on the one who reads it. Added to favorites. :)

[Kousika]

The feel of being betrayed by some one you truly love, admire is the worst thing in this world..
Lines revealed those feel greatly.. Loved it to the core..

[SCRIBBLER]

Thanks Kousika

[sereenaoutloud]

betrayed by those you love, or stabbed in the back truly is a crime on ones soul! This is a great write !

[SCRIBBLER]

Much Appreciated

[DoormanDan]

This is most certainly one of the most, if not THE most, intense poem I have ever come across on this website. The free-verse style you used really works well with the style of this poem, and it kept me entertained until the very last word. Fantastic job Scribbler! :)

[SCRIBBLER]

Thank you so much for these kind words of recognition.

[....................]

Betrayal is murder most foul... a nice write, capturing the essence of being stabbed in the back.

[SCRIBBLER]

Thanks Lewdrew

[SCRIBBLER]

sorry Ledrew. I'm very sorry. :)

[alf]

Hi Scribbler. I'm the most passive, non-aggressive person on this planet, yet my main genre is murder and mayhem, which my novels reflect in detail. My thoughts on reading your poem centred on broken promises. I have so far managed to live by my personal motto . . . say what you mean, and mean what you say . . . if it can't be said, keep quiet!! I am thinking that you have had promises made that encouraged hope within you and then when you were most in need, the rug was yanked from beneath your feet! This action is, or was, the catalyst for catastrophic feelings of abandonment . . . the murder of your soul.

The poem . . . I would remove the central refrain, opening and closing with that stanza, for me, works with more impact, especially if both were italicized. A couple of typos . . . (T)he shards . . . 3rd line 4th stanza . . . 5th line . . . confidence too . . . missing second 'o'. I liked your word choices, accusative and relevant, and damning!!

A very emotive write, raw passion and anger seethe beneath the lines, and my only other suggestion would be to italicize, or bold, several words (not too many) for added emphasis.

Let me know what you think, alf

[SCRIBBLER]

Thank you for such a deep and thoughtful review. I will try to fix up typos because I have quite a few things on my mind. School, soccer etc. But some great reviews. Really appreciate you taking the time. I'm honoured. Thanks again for these great words of recognition.

[wordman]

when a friend stabs you in the back you never get over it,great emotional write

[SCRIBBLER]

Really appreciate it!