Shaving

A father and son bond through a routine task

 

A young man walking home from school is burdened. For when he walks he knows that his father lies. The pain his father must endure is beyond the young man’s imagination. Others try to pull the teenager back to childhood. Some offer milkshakes and football. This young man knows that there is one thing more important than sports and food… honor.

Upon the arrival of the boy to his house, he thinks about the things he might do to help his father. The boy thinks not like that of a boy but like that of a man. Maturity has grown well in this child. His mother mentions that his father needs a shave. The man who helps the family is unable to make it that day. The boy volunteered with eagerness. By saying that he would do the job of shaving his father, he went to work. Cleaning the cup in which the cream is placed. Washing the blade to ensure a clean cut, placing the tools on a sanitary tray, the boy was ready.

When a man is unshaven, he can feel dirty. A man may feel that he is not living to the best of his ability. When a man is clean shaven, he feels reborn. He feels clean and professional, like starting anew in the morning. The boy walks in with pride as the father waits patiently. The father is astounded at the great strength and build that his son has taken in the past years. “You have good hands.” Said his father as a streak of flesh is revealed from the dirty beard. The boy looks at his father and ensures him that he will not harm him. As they talk and the man’s face is revealed, it seems that even the boy and is father is reborn, not physically but in a new bond. Perhaps a bond beyond the understanding of man. We can just describe it as a father’s love. When the stick of responsibility is passed from the man of the house down to the son, a new faith develops. For this new faith is that of support for the coming trial of the man’s own death. The father knows that his faith is placed correctly.

One must understand that there is more to a father’s love than blood. It reaches into the realm of mutual faith and understanding, a realm of territory. When a man cannot understand that realm and need, problems will follow him for eternity.  

Reviews

[Jack the Flash]

William,

You're a capable writer, and this piece shows it. But I think that, as good as it is, it could be made better by the employment of a basic trick writers learn as they go along. Writing is hard: few people realize how hard, because Hemingway and Steinbeck (to name just a couple) made it look easy. One of the tricks these guys used was to show rather than tell. This piece could profit immensely from it.

I'd use some dialogue (talking to himself in this case) in lieu of narrative. Narrative isn't as dynamic as action. Just as writers should shun the passive voice, they should always show rather than tell. And the reason is that showing is far more interesting to the reader, and it has a bigger impact on him. Like using an image rather than a description, the reader is sucked into absorbing what the writer is conveying to him/her.

I've got some wonderful books on writing craft that show examples of text like this sample of yours, and its conversion into showing rather than telling. You'd be amazed at the difference of the effect on the reader. It literally drags him in by the scruff of the neck (or something). You could get the info from somewhere.

If you can't get your hands on it, let me know and I'll photocopy the chapters and mail them to you or something. Normally I'd say I'd scan the pages and upload them here, but as you can see, I'm on strike as a contributor because of the archaic upload capacity of this blog. I'm sure you could find the stuff on your own, but hey, Alaska is a long way away from the Library of Congress. I think I'm closer than you are. I'm warmer, at least. I'm prepared to type up the simple example here. It's a vital tool to a writer.

Your friend Jack

[Sseoni]

This was great! It really showed the kind of relationship that a father and son should have. Great description and choice of words! I loved it! Great job!

[Miss Blue Skies]

You're a good writer. I thought this particular story was well written, because of it's word choice and sentence fluency. Very impressive...so much better than other pieces I've read from other writers.

[indianhost]

its ok its how BOY SHOULD BE WITH HIS DAD

[Frances O'Neill]

How true this is! The maturity time of a youth's shaving is generally coincidental with the time

linked to a necessary, adult, level interaction reached, generally, by the realm of teen-age boys. The

storyline has an interesting parallel, though not one thought of, enough!

[Fantasyfairy]

A nice piece of young man's jump from youth to manhood, and the understanding between father and son. Well written. XX