Relief

Short story written in my Sophomore year of High School

 

Thoughts are rushing through my mind, as water would pour through a cracked dam. Thoughts of regrets and self-punishment hammer on my soul like a jackhammer. What if she said no? That was the only good reason that I could find for my fear.

The quiet and listless room was the noisiest I have ever heard in a long while. Whispers of suggestion eat at my mind as I picture my own dreaded future. Alone, alone and scared, I am thumbing through an old book trying to find peace in my own sorry life. No one to hold, no one to share my life with. Regrets of a single fear confine my life so delicately.

As I walk around the house, that would just as well be my coffin, I find pieces of my lost maturity. A chair that I would sit and think of the way I would ask her. The couch, in which I would hold her, stands alone in the room, which was so busy.

Dining together with the company of dancing shadows in the limelight. How I would have loved to follow her down the hallway to the bedroom to show my deepest love for her. Feeling her warmth beside me on my sleepless nights.

The skylight, which used to fill the home with warmth and peace, now fills the home with dull and mindless foreplay to the future that threatens me so much.

I walk back to the desk in which I start out all my depressive states. The thoughts that began my short tour around memory lane now hit me in a harder way. The ability to stop the pain has been in front of me the whole time. With six chambers giving me opportunities of anxiety, relief, and comfort. I have held this item many times in the past. At one point I even feared the item. Today this tool is reborn. It now gives me freedom that I never thought imaginable. Loading one chamber I spin them to give myself a chance. Aiming at my mind I almost feel the hammering stop. Gently pulling the trigger, so I may enjoy every step of this release, I hear the pin hit the back of the projectile. This projectile would give me space beyond belief. Space to avoid pain. Space to avoid all the demons that invade my peace. A short burst of thunder rings my ears as I lay back in sleep.