broken. torn. shattered.

finally, a chance to step back and analyze what has become of my life in the past four months.
when the new year had started, it seemed everything would stay the same, that was until the one moment where courage took over my mind and allowed me to free myself from everything i was holding back.
things had been going okay for a while, until my best friend walked away but i have come to the conclusion that i cant change it, all i can do is move on.
but now that i think about what i have done this year, i become slightly disgusted with myself.
i cant believe how much i let just happen without thinking about the repercussions of my actions.
i dont understand how i could let one person rule my life for me and control everything i do without even trying.
even when i would try to tell you that i didnt want to do something, you still found a way to make sure you got what you wanted out of every situation.
what bugs me the most, is that even after everything we've done, you show no remorse for my feelings.
even when i walked away from you in tears, and you tried to act like you cared for a second, you found some way to make sure you didn't get hurt from the situation.
yet, little did you know that the whole time you've been getting what you wanted, i've been slowly falling apart and becoming colder with every action.
you've completely destroyed me forever with how you have treated me.
you've showed me that no matter how much i think that someone cares about me, that in the end they just want one simple thing and then they will throw me off to the side like i'm nothing but a used tissue.
you may see me as still being the same as when this all first started but i'm not the same anymore.
you got what you wanted, and i became the one thing i promised myself that i would never be; easy.
easy for you to toy with my emotions just enough to get what you wanted from me.
easy for you to just use me when you need to and then treat me horrible when you dont need something.
thanks for ruining me forever.
although it may seem like something simple to you, for me, it's much more damaging to myself.
i'm tired of feeling this way, and i'm tired of being thrown around by you, and i'm so sick of what has become of our "friendship", if that's what you would call it.
you've made me do things that i would never want to do, and no matter how much i asked you not to keep using me, it just got worse.
every time i see you, i cringe in the memory of you.
when i hear your name, fear and disgust strikes my body like an axe.
you've taken what little respect and dignity i had for myself and torn it into a million pieces and then stepped on every single piece to make sure that i was broken beyond repair.
thanks for being such an awesome friend!
thanks for ruining me forever and causing me to hate myself for what you've made me do.