abandoned.

for the longest time i felt as though i would never be able to care about someone as much as i did with my first love.
but after about a year of trying to find myself, a new love fell into my life as a best friend.
i told you everything and we always had so much fun together.
after being best friends for a while we tried dating and the pressure from everyone else ruined it.
for a few days it was awkward, being around you with the feelings still present in both of our hearts.
for a while we were doing good just being friends again, still having trust in each other and having fun times.
then one night changed everything forever.
nothing was meant to happen except for us to have a fun time hanging out and laughing, which is how it started.
i think that after spending time with each other we realized, the emotions we once felt, were still very much there in our hearts.
passion and want filled the room.
any cares i had were washed away with built up tension that was shed.
we were surprised yet not shocked by what had happened.
the content feeling of knowing that any emotions we kept from the other was spilled out and picked up.
it was a great night and we knew that Monday morning at school would be interesting but not awkward.
everything was going good until i told just one friend, and then the news spread like wildfire.
unexpected reactions and shocked by how fast it traveled.
we were both equally upset.
and then i was blindsided.
by the one i trusted with so much.
the only thing i had been able to care about in any way.
you fell off the face of the earth from me.
cut me out of your life completely.
i reached out, apologizing for everything that had happened and asking for your forgiveness in any way.
still, nothing.
silence is the only thing i herd from you.
then i found out that you had graduated early and came back to tell everyone good-bye.
except for me that is.
when i herd the news, my heart sank.
it's obvious now that you don't want me in your life at all.
all because of what i did.
i always ruin everything good that happens for me.
the only way to describe this feeling would be abandonment.
that's what i felt, abandoned.
when you left, you took my heart with you.
any chance i had at finally being happy, just walked out of my life with you.
this taught me that no matter how much i care about someone i will always be abandoned in the end.
what's the point in trying anymore when the only thing i was trying for, walked away.
i doubt that there's a chance you will ever read this but just know, i care about you so much and i'm truly sorry for everything that i have done. i didn't mean for it to end like this, hell, i didn't mean for it to end at all. i hope you can move on and have an amazing life with someone who won't hurt you like i did. just know that i miss you, and feel incomplete without you. good luck with everything! and don't forget that if you every want to talk to me again, i'm here, ready to have my best friend back in my life.