fade...

you never really know whats going on in someone's mind until they let you in...

up and down,

trading between dark blue and white,

one minute im the happiest person alive,

and the next,

im so down in the blue im not sure if i can get back up,

going from being so in love,

to feeling like im nobodyand thatnobody would miss me if i died,

there are so many times when i wish i didnt have to go through this,

i love the times when its white,

im so happy and carefree and i love the feeling,

but when it comes to the dark blue,

im a completely different person,

i just want to die,

i wont talk to anyone,

i cant bring myself to eat,

and i wont leave my room,

and i realize what this does to those who are close to me,

i feel so terrible when they have to deal with me while im in the blue,

its not my fault i put people through this,

so its gotten to where i just dont get close to many people,

so that when the blue hits they dont have to deal with me,

i wish i could be in the white more often but no such luck,

most of the time im in-between,

more of a very light sky blue,

where my emotions are silent and im just moving through life,

spending time with people but not too much,

seeming normal for once,

but then the blue hits hard,

and in an instant i go from being numb to feeling so much pain,

sometimes on a rare occasion,

the white takes over,

this wonderful feeling of love,

and power,

i feel like im on top of the world and nothing can bring me down,

but then i sink back into the light sky blue,

i wish i could be white all the time,

or maybe a different color,

yellow,

or maybe pink,

but for now im stuck switching back and forth between

white and blue....