You Know You Have to Move On

I guess, at this age, you already have gone through it. You're young. You fall in love. You involve yourself in romantic relationships. You don't really know if they're the kind that lasts forever. But at some points, you thought they would. But then, they don't. And so you have to pick yourself up and force yourself through the inevitable process of moving on.

 

They say you should never give up on someone or something if they mean the world to you. Who are they kidding? Sooner or later, you have to snap out of it, turn your back, and walk away. The hard part is knowing when it's time to do that. If you really love them, you would go that extra mile to win them back. Exhaust all creativity on sweet surprises and love notes. But you know you have to move on when it doesn't feel the same anymore.

 

When you see each other and she smiles at you, and your heart melts, but stings, because it's the same sweet smile, only empty, you know you have to move on.

When you greet each other good morning, and bid each other good night, because you both crossed each other's minds, but have not bothered to start a conversation, you know you have to move on.

When you can't find things to talk about, because you're both afraid of words that might hurt, you know you have to move on.

When you go out with your friends and they are all having a good time, and you just sit there and stare at nothing, you know you have to move on.

When you chat with your buddies about random moments and you keep on having flashbacks of your good times with her, you know you have to move on.

 

You don't know what happened to her today and she's not in the mood to tell you, because she already told the story to someone else.

You don't share a special bond anymore because you don't know how she feels; you are not the one she shares her secrets with anymore.

You are not the one she wishes to talk to at night when she feels alone or worried; you are not the one she texts mid-day when she gets excited about something; you are not the one she tweets randomly just to call for attention. No, not anymore.

You two are alone in a room sharing the same bed but it feels like you're lightyears apart. It's not the same as before, when you two could be in a crowded place but still feel like you have your own world, like you can shut everyone down. No, it's never gonna be the same.

It's just so hard to hold on knowing the irreparable damages you have done to each other. Knowing you will only remind her of the wrongs you tried and failed to make right. You honestly cannot live without each other, but you both know you both have to have a fresh start, with someone else, because you're tired of running away from the pain. The pain that scarred you, the pain that you both want to forget and to bury in the past. You both need someone else who doesn't have to know all the mistakes you've done and are ashamed of. You just can't be together anymore. And you know you have to move on.

 

But not tonight. Even when she turns to the other side to check on her phone for that someone's reply.

Not tonight. Even when you hear that same sweet voice that used to talk to you call someone else.

Even when there's nothing left to say. Even when you have to get up and go somewhere she can't see and hear you crying. Even when you have to cover your mouth to keep it from letting out a long and painful sob.

 

No, not tonight. Because tonight is the only time you have with her. The one last time you get to be alone with her. See her pretty face up close. Talk about anything. Know what's going on. Make her smile. Walk with her. Hear her breathe. Feel her skin. Watch her fall asleep.

Not tonight. Because this is probably the closest you'll get with her, after tomorrow. Because you get the nicest sleep when she wraps you in her arms. Because you get to hold her before dreaming, and hold her again when you wake up. Because you get to relive the times you felt so alive. You get to forget, for a while, that you messed it all up.

 

You know you have to move on. But hey, you have the rest of your life for that. Just not tonight. Because tonight, you're together, and you don't wanna f**k that up, too.