Can you

Valentine's day special

Come in my eyes, like rays of sun,
Entering a room, when it is dawn, to lit up,
New hopes and aspirations,
Come in my breaths, like the fragrance of spring,
And melt my breaths in your,
To cast a new love,
Come in my heartbeat,
Like someone is walking briskly for zenith,
And let's have a sleep on rainbows,
Come in my arms as if,
It is the last moment of life,
So that I put all the love in your lap,
That life has ever reserved for me .

Reviews

[George Peck]

great poem. I love it. Thanks for sharing.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thank you so much

[Emily]

Lovely wording!
Well done!

[hardeep sabharwal]

thanks a lot

[R Smith]

a beautiful homage to love and Valentine's day, well said Hardeep :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

thanks a lot sir

[Ana B.]

A very endearing image, perfect for V day :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thank you so much

[Vishuddha]

So that I put into your lap, All the love that life has ever reserved for me, might read better. At the end of the second line lit should read light. You appear to be missing a word on the end of line five which makes line six mysterious ... as in I don't know what you are saying there. Walking briskly is the opposite of sleeping on rainbows (a great phrase) so you should start line nine with the word Or. Nice ideas.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thank you so much for nice suggestions, I will look at it soon :)

[Vishuddha]

Nice poem ..........

[MomzillaNC]

Lovely sentiments

NOTES
"…rays of [the] sun"
either "…dawn, lit up" or "…dawn, to [light] up"
"…breaths in [yours]
"…briskly [to] zenith,"
"…reserved for [me.]"

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thank you so much as always for corrections and analysis:)

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)

[TheLostMind]

"Come in my arms as if,
It is the last moment of life,
So that I put all the love in your lap,
That life has ever reserved for me ." - These lines got me thinking. Very beautiful. Good job :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot

[Prashant Rajput]

fantastic lines with very good sentiments,great work my friend.

[hardeep sabharwal]

thanks a lot Prashant

[Saddam]

Beautiful play with words dear friend.
Interesting write.

[hardeep sabharwal]

thanks a lot friend

[Frank]

Very nice sentiments on intimacy.

[hardeep sabharwal]

thank you so much