Rejection

Pains of love

That day I can not forget,
when I proffered you a handful of love,
You took it as fake, as if
I am only a lascivious,
you repudiated me, unrelished
I took your boon on my forehead
And kept my desires
In the deep freezer, in the caves of silence,
when I entered the room with sun stained
Face, you said, it is very hot
I felt ardent, I strived to explicit
You just put ice cubes in an empty tumbler
And with a crafty smile, you altered the theme,
The topic then began from this to that
With laud and disgrace,
This time I said, it is very hot
And I felt it is not warm
I strived to hold you with my wet hands
You slipped away and denunciated
What other people will say?
lets make our love genuine
What other people will say!!
I yielded, I become senile
I came back, felt rejected I sobbed
For three days, but then I acknowledged
that it is not the skin what I want
But spirit
And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death

Reviews

[Ashfallen]

Interesting read, with clear depth of emotion, rejection, frustration, and a confusing jumble of more that is nearly there, but not quite. I read this and find I want to know more. I want to understand better and have a clearer empathy for the rejected. Some nit-picks, sorry:
"reprudiated" should be "repudiated"
"the topic than" should probably be "the topic then"
"than I acknowledged" should be "then I acknowledged"
Fourth line, counting from the bottom, did you mean "what I want" or should this be "that I want" or probably just "I want" would flow better?

My favorite is this: "it is not the skin I want but spirit"... How true this rings for me, in my own soul, my own past and regrets. The nature of human desire and need. And a wellspring of sadness when unmet. This has incredible potential, I hope you will continue to perfect it!

[hardeep sabharwal]

Brilliant review

Thanks for telling grammatical mistakes :)

[Sindu]

It takes courage not just to love but to take and accept it too.
sometimes it takes them more , to accept. To acknowledge what is being offered.

A wait long till death..

Hope it's worth the person..
Great penning.. The crests and falls..

[hardeep sabharwal]

Very true sindu, and thanks a lot dear

[R Smith]

extremely sad poem Hardeep, very well written, expressed perfectly with the feeling that it comes from your experience of relationships falling down.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks Allen, for appreciation and support, :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thankyou avinash for such a constructive and explicit review,
thanks for your support and always being kind to me :)

[Avinash]

Thanks Hardeep ..we are all children of God and deserve all happiness in life and no one can deny you that.

[Avinash]

People who do not deserve it they can never appreciate it...so true in case of love..loved the poem. Yes it is all about soul not about body. Seek courage to fight for truth and understand very carefully who is enemy and who is friend. Half of your happiness depends on that and for that you do not have to wait for the last day of your life because that day you will regret wasting your life.

[Dhaye]

When we expect love in return and fail, we will truly be in pain. But when we love unconditionally, everything that makes our love ones happy can make us happy, too.

"And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death"---Your last two lines are heartrending...

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks Dhaye for such an deep review :)

[George Peck]

really well done great job

[hardeep sabharwal]

thanks a lot george :)

[Sami Khalil]

Love is the awareness of the emotions and the acknowledgement of the heart. When you love you will know all the ranges of those feelings more aptly and sharply. An excellent write...:)...........

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks dear for being so kind and appreciation :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).........................