Rejection

Pains of love

That day I can not forget,
when I proffered you a handful of love,
You took it as fake, as if
I am only a lascivious,
you repudiated me, unrelished
I took your boon on my forehead
And kept my desires
In the deep freezer, in the caves of silence,
when I entered the room with sun stained
Face, you said, it is very hot
I felt ardent, I strived to explicit
You just put ice cubes in an empty tumbler
And with a crafty smile, you altered the theme,
The topic then began from this to that
With laud and disgrace,
This time I said, it is very hot
And I felt it is not warm
I strived to hold you with my wet hands
You slipped away and denunciated
What other people will say?
lets make our love genuine
What other people will say!!
I yielded, I become senile
I came back, felt rejected I sobbed
For three days, but then I acknowledged
that it is not the skin what I want
But spirit
And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death

Reviews

[Ashfallen]

Interesting read, with clear depth of emotion, rejection, frustration, and a confusing jumble of more that is nearly there, but not quite. I read this and find I want to know more. I want to understand better and have a clearer empathy for the rejected. Some nit-picks, sorry:
"reprudiated" should be "repudiated"
"the topic than" should probably be "the topic then"
"than I acknowledged" should be "then I acknowledged"
Fourth line, counting from the bottom, did you mean "what I want" or should this be "that I want" or probably just "I want" would flow better?

My favorite is this: "it is not the skin I want but spirit"... How true this rings for me, in my own soul, my own past and regrets. The nature of human desire and need. And a wellspring of sadness when unmet. This has incredible potential, I hope you will continue to perfect it!

[hardeep sabharwal]

Brilliant review

Thanks for telling grammatical mistakes :)

[ElizaB]

Thanks for entering.

I love your last lines!

But spirit
And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death

[Nicole G]

Very emotional and genuine. Truly touched me. Very good piece of writing

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thankyou so much

[Prabha Salimath]

A very nice concept depicted here.
Ofcourse being an Indian I feel good to read " And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death."

Here rejection not turned to avenge that I liked.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot prabha :)

[Prabha Salimath]

you're welcome.

[Jesse Booker]

Very deep and emotional. It's also very easy to relate for myself, and probably many others, so kudos for writing on a subject that will connect with the reader in such an elegant way.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot jesse booker

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the journey to learning in the poem.
"that it is not the skin what I want
But spirit
And I have the courage to wait
A wait long till death"
Above lines are true. Knowing the internal thoughts and wants of another is a rare gift. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot coyote

[Marie]

Your perserverence will surely be rewarded.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot marie

[AprilRN1210]

You can feel the longing, the determination, the courage, the love in this piece... Rejection really does suck and for those who don't give up and fight for what they want have my respect... sometimes, there are things in this world worth fighting for.. sometimes we learn, that what we really thought we wanted, wasn't what we needed... very moving write:)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks AprilRN for such a deep and thoughtful look at this piece, thanks for your touching words

[AprilRN1210]

you're welcome, it was my pleasure.

[Baby Ricochet]

Rejection blows more than any feeling on earth

[hardeep sabharwal]

True Baby Ricochet, thanks dear for your read

[Deepwater]

you have put pen to paper and now your poem is here keep writing

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks deepwater a lot :)