Puff, bye

Puff

        

            Huff

Cough…..               Cough

                               

                                             Puff

HACK! 

                                           Stop enough!

                                                       Look! Can’t you see

                 

                                   Almost

                                     Too

                                     Late

                      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       HELLO don’t you care

  

Hello, yes!

     Puff, Puff, cough, cough

                                                           Just

                                                              Care

                                                                &

                                                                  Love

okay

       PUFF...MORE

                   You don't know

   I know the outcome!

Okay...Okay

  Cough

     Cough

        HACK

           cough 

     

                                                   Tear drop....River rush

      One last.....Pufff

                                                    

  

                                                            

                                                              NO!

  

        Cough.                                                     

                                                                     

                                                                         CRY

                     HUFF

                                         1...2....3....4

                                             BEEP.......

Author's Note

I've been working on this a while...figuring out what I really wanted to say and how I wanted to structure it. I like to say...you don't need to say a lot to say a lot! lol enjoy! Let me know what you think...i feel like it's missing something and am looking for a lot of constructive criticism!

Reviews

[Maglia Weaver Twill]

cool, it is like all over the page and it exemplifies the coughing sneezing aspect of how we do not have perfect health and have to battle disease, I love love it

[xhannyx]

Thank You!

[Lizzie Mitchell]

I think I get it but you lost me at "I know the outcome?"
If you want the reader to interpret this poem on his or her own I think it may need something added to it. Otherwise an explanation might be necessary. Or maybe I just need to read it a couple more times to understand it. I got the message. Not sure if I fully understand the situation. As always love the creativity.

[xhannyx]

Thank you and I see where you are confused. The poem comes from the perspective of two people. The smoker and the bystander. In this case the bystander is a loved one. As you may notice a lot of the words slant like going down a hill...on both sides of the conversation. A few of the statement(ill call them) like 'almost too late' '1...2...3...4' and 'BEEP....' are some what in the middle of the poem. 'Almost too late' Is a realization of the smoker and loved one. the '1...2...3..4' and 'BEEP....' is an effect that harms both the smoker and the loved one. By the end of the poem they have reached the bottom of the hill or problem and life is over for the smoker as well as the loved one so to speak. The smokers life style through the whole poem clashed into the loved ones life negatively. As for 'I know the outcome?' that is said by the loved one after the smoker says you dont know. The smoker is telling the loved one "you dont know what its like to smoke...I need to smoke" and the loved one is saying "I dont need to know what its like. I dont need to know the unknown...and here is what I do know...the outcome of all of this is you are going to die" Hope this explanation helped!

[Lizzie Mitchell]

It's nice to see your whole explanation for this. I can appreciate it even more now.
And I think I understand that part I was confused about now. Does it need to be phrased as a question?

[xhannyx]

no thats just a typo I havent fixed yet. Ill do that now

[Lizzie Mitchell]

oh haha ok makes perfect sense then!