Dear Future Me

I wrote this piece when I was confused by what I wanted from life. It is a letter to a “future me”, and I ask myself some questions and give some advice.

Dear Future Me,

Here’s a fun fact: More than eighty percent of our ocean is unexplored. Of course, the ocean covers more than 70 percent of the planet's surface, so it’s reasonable that so little has been discovered. Not only that, but deep under the ocean, it’s dangerous. You’ll get crushed by the water pressure if you go too deep without the right equipment, so staying on land seems like a safe bet to me.

But if everyone is an ocean, how many people have reached the bottom? One in a million? 

How many people have soaked up the CO2 around them, locking away every single painful memory forever? How many have completely dried up, with not a single drop of water left? 

As an ocean myself, I’ve just barely skimmed the water. I remember the first time I made a promise to us. I would try my best at everything, and our life would be perfect, but I remember letting you down, time and time again, and I’m sorry, but I want you to know that I’m trying really hard. I promise.

Where are you? Are you happy? Did you find what you were looking for? Maybe you built a fancy submarine that can reach the bottom of our ocean. Did you uncover our secrets? Things we wanted to keep locked away? Do you remember the time when we were six and that big blue monster showed up in our room? Remember how it was looking through all our cabinets and drawers? Well, I don’t recall seeing it leave. Could it be our guardian angel, or just another dream we had? I don’t know why it came for us. Did you figure it out?

Here’s another question I have for you: Did you know that trauma can be passed down from generation to generation? Well, of course you know. You’ve probably known for a long time. You know how we’ve always been afraid of the dark? Maybe that’s where it came from.

I know I’m asking a lot, but I also have a few things to tell you. I’ve been doing better lately. I’ve been writing a lot more, but I still have so many questions. If I told you something, would you be mad at me? Well, here goes. I’m scared of the ocean. I’m scared of the darkness deep down and the creatures that can bite at me. I’m afraid if I reach the bottom, I’ll never see the beaming rays of the sun again or feel the warm breeze by our house that smells of lemons. But that’s okay, because I'll learn to be strong. Hopefully.

Lastly, I have some advice for you. There’s more to everyone than what meets the eye. Everyone has their own problems. If people were born perfect, we wouldn’t have violence and greed and jealousy. Keep that in mind, and don’t forget it. 

I trust you.

Take care,

Hannah

P.S. I hope you’re swimming with the dolphins right now. 

Author's Note

This work has been published on 2021 Issue 5 of Girls Right The World. https://girlsrighttheworld.com/writing-issue-5/hannah-zhang/

Reviews

[Jessey Valentine]

Congratulation on being published!. I enjoyed your letter and find universal truth in the conversation you had with you future self. Nice use of image, you are good at that.