11

I stepped back into the house, and found my mom and dad right there where I had left them.
    “Is your little temper-tantrum over with?” My father asked looking up from his glasses.
    “I didn’t have a temper-tantrum.” I snapped. I knew I shouldn’t be snappy with them, when I was asking them for the car.
    “You were gone for a half hour. Where did you go?” My mother asked soothingly.
Dad took off his glasses. “One guess.” He said.
I was pissed. “Yes, you know what? I was at Nate’s! But in no way is that your business, and it is not in your right to tell me I have to break up with him!”
They seemed calm, but I could see the strain on their faces and the pride they had to swallow down whole.
    “So this isn’t just nothing, Liz.” My father stated. “Do whatever you want, we’re just saying not to rely on us to pick up the broken pieces.”
    “Broken pieces? Never mind that- all I was wondering before I left was if I could borrow the car to go to Lia’s. It didn’t need to turn into this! Whatever happens between Nate and I when I leave does not concern you in the least.”
I heard the door open down the hallway, and looked back to see Mitch peering out, eaves dropping on our conversation.
Mom set down her magazine, and walked over to me. “Liz, we’re not trying to attack you! We just don’t want you to be unhappy when we leave. You may borrow the car for tonight, but I just want you to remember-“
    “Thanks.” I picked the keys up from the kitchen counter, and closed the front door behind me. I walked out to the car, slammed on the gas, and drove out to Lia’s.
Driving away, I glanced over at Nate’s house, thinking of him, hoping I wouldn’t fall apart when I leave in this short amount of time. I suddenly remembered the time around three days ago, while Nate and I were standing on his dock at midday, when I was deeply admiring the crabs scaling the rocks that just skimmed the surface of the water. They were brown and ugly looking, and I couldn’t help but imagine that ugly thing jumping out at me, attacking my face. I don’t know what possible motive it would have, other than I was just standing there, staring down at it, slightly cringing whenever it moved it’s awkward legs.
I recalled Nate saying something at this time, he might have been talking for a while now; I wouldn’t know, I was too busy gazing down at the water.
I felt bad for not listening, but he stopped when he noticed I wasn’t paying attention.
    “What are you looking at?” He had asked. He stood behind me, putting his arms around my waist.
I said nothing, but he already spotted the crab who was just sitting there now, claws floating slightly. Something else stirred farther down the rock, where the water was more dirty and murky. Another crab slowly emerged and crawled itself up the rock. I squealed out of slight fear, seeing something I couldn’t see and suddenly appear freaked me out.
I wondered where those two crabs were now, while the rain was pouring so hard. Still together, probably. No amount of rain, or filth, or murkiness could keep them separated.
I was almost at Lia’s now, after taking two wrong turns after Greyhouse Street, and having to turn around when I hit the town line. I finally got there, though, pulling up at a nice sized house with all the lights on. It wasn’t near the water, but in a nice small neighborhood with a windy street. There was an extra car already in the driveway, a small red Subaru. Carol was here. I just hoped that the past few days of unspoken bonding doesn’t go down the tubes when we see each other off work.
Walking out of the car and approaching the house, I heard the sound of soft music playing inside, and an appreciative laugh of a man. It must have been Lia’s husband. That’s another thing I worried about. Carol was well into her forties, Lia is married, where do I fit in the equation?
I rang the doorbell, and almost immediately Lia opened the door, her face brighter than it has ever been. She pulled me in, and introduced me to Chris. He was very warm looking, a bright smile, white teeth, and natural bleach blonde hair.
My eyes then went right to Carol, who was sitting in the chair closest to the exit, and sure enough, cold as ever.
For the most part, though, dinner went smoothly. It started out with Lia apologizing for the meal, and how she barely had anytime to pre pare, and to please excuse her for the poor display of penne pasta with green and red peppers, garlic bread, and the home-made chocolate ice cream for dessert. She was so much different at home, near Chris. Not a bad kind of different, more adult, grown up.
Carol kept raging under her breath how incredible this dinner was. Lia also kept glancing at me, with that look that only can be described as “How’s Nate doing?” or more of an, “So where is this going?”. She didn’t know any details, since the only person I told after it happened was Deb.
I began to like Chris, by his mannerisms and company, and even the jokes he made, making fun of how Lia apologizes all the time when it was completely unnecessary.
She reminded me of Morgan Oliver in that regards, a class mate from the fifth grade who’d always seem to be mumbling “I’m sorry,” everywhere she went, for whatever need, I was unsure of. Even if she passes you in the hallway it was a small sweet “Sorry!”
Anyway, Chris was a real character. We were in the middle of eating dinner when Lia shot up from her seat, shaking the table, and shouted, “The bread!” And ran over to the oven.
    “Always the bread,” Chris laughed. “She can remember the smallest detail, down to the last garnish, but she always leaves the loaf of bread, burning away in that poor oven of hers…”
    “Well maybe if you reminded me that the bread was in the oven, I wouldn’t forget,” Lia argues, coming in with the tray of garlic bread, slightly over-browned on its edges.
Later on that night, after we all had finished consuming the meal that she had made for us, Lia excused the three girls from the living room where we were chatting incessantly, mostly the three of us, while Carol snickered into her wine glass. Lia brought the two of us out on the porch, where you had the perfect view of the rest of the neighborhood, traveling through front and back yards, where you can sit and witness the lives of other people, the kids having water balloon fights, or 4th of July parties. I wondered how many times Lia sat here, enjoying the view of the lives of other people, of numerous family lives.
    “So…?” She said, implying about Chris. She had this excited look on her face, knowing we’d have nothing but good things to say about her husband.
    “He is so great!” I grabbed her hands while saying this. “I’m happy for you. I really am.”
She gave me a hug, and over her red hair I could see a couple getting out of the house next door, holding hands and swinging on their porch swing.
I let go, and fixed the fly-aways on her head. She looked at Carol.
    “Lovely boy.” She said. “Hey, you mind if I have a smoke?” She was already pulling out a lighter and a cigarette before she had Lia’s answer.
    “Yeah, of course.” Lia breathed.
She lit her cigarette and took two short puffs, exhaling slowly. I coughed and waved my hands in front of my face.
    “Thanks you guys, for coming. It meant a lot to me that you came. Especially since Liz is leaving soon. Oh, by the way, exactly when is that Liz?”
There is was again, the subject of me leaving by the end of the summer, and knowing I would resolve it first thing tomorrow. I didn’t want anymore unanswered questions that when unanswered can leave this ghostly, grey blob of anticipation, laying eggs in my stomach.
    “Yeah, about a week. I’m leaving in about a week.”
Lia nodded and glanced over at the couple on the porch swing who were kissing now, her hands in his jacket.
    “Well, Liz, I hope you’ve had a good summer vacation here. Even if we did make you work at that store with no pay.”
We all laughed, even Carol who seemed o be chuckling on spite of it was true, and she had probably made my time there worse than it had to be.
    “No, I’ve really loved my time there. I’d say good things definetly did come of it.”
Carol and Lia both glanced at each other then, reminding me of their friendship that I had witnessed the first few days.
    “What?” I said, looking at the two of them.
    “Liz, you never gave me the details about Nate and you. I mean, I know you have become, you know, friends and all, or more friendly, but- anything else?”
I stared at her, then at carol who was looking at me too, interested in what I had to say about Nate.
    “Spit it out.” Carol said flatly.
I sighed, slightly uncomfortable saying this to Carol.
    “Well, we’re sorta involved.”
Lia lit up again. “What? No way!” She screamed, making the couple next door sit up from their smooching. “Involved? You mean going out? How involved are we talking here, Liz?”
It seemed, no matter what, everybody had that Deb side to them, the side that is so into love, gossip, sometimes fiction so close to reality you could almost taste, but because of that, so unreachable, it seemed thousands of miles away.
    “Not too involved, are you?” Carol asked. “You’re leaving next week, you just said.”
This is who Deb needs to sit down and have a nice conversation with.
    “Actually yes, very involved. And that’s the ting. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when I leave. I mean, I could do the long distance relationship thing, it could even be easier since it’s my senior year and all, but the separation is what scares me.”
Lia and I were sitting now, smelling the nicotine being puffed in our faces, and Carol was leaning against the wall next to the screen door. I heard Chris inside, putting the plates into the sink and jetting the faucet to rinse.
Carol shook her head listening to this, and so did Lia, but not out of disapproval, but disbelief that I hadn’t told her earlier.
    “Oh god Liz, you love him!” She said in a high-pitched tone.
The screen door opened as Chris stood there, smiling. “I hope I’m not interrupting. Can I borrow Lia for a sec?”
Lia looked up at him, not ready to part from her chair or her indulging conversation. “For what need?” She asked.
    “I don’t know where you want me to put that large serving platter, you know, the one you served the pasta on?”
She sighed, and got up from her chair. “Cute, but clueless.” She walked inside, leaving the screen door open for us to follow her.
Carol took her last drag, and crushed the cigarette on the porch floor with her heels.
    “Don’t get attached Liz, to anything.” She walked inside, and helped clean dishes with Chris and Lia.
I felt so sorry for her then, thinking of Daisy and how she loved her so much, enough to love a child, and have her die and leave her, leaving her with empty spaces in her heart, the love and ability to care for someone else. She hasn’t considered getting another pet, she had said. Maybe because she knew she couldn’t possibly love another dog as much as she loved Daisy. But having love at all, in any shape or form is so much better than not having it at all, and slowly being deprived of the ability to love, but now wallowing in self-pity. Then I thought of me, and how I was so similar to Carol before I met Nate after having Adam. Carol just needed to let it go. She needed to realize that there is something else out there for her, and giving up is something that should be so temporary, just enough time to release emotion. I knew what I’d do, something to settle the final blow of tension between Carol and I.
 

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[Jenn Gold]

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