My Living Hell

Just some things that I went through.

My Living Hell

 

I hate when I can't sleep

depression overcomes me

secrets I can no longer keep

I need to set my heart free

 

growing up I was beat

an alcoholic dad

who couldn't keep his hands to himself

instead rather on me

made my childhood a living hell

 

there were more than him

five other men

with sick twisted minds

their hands on me

they made me hate all mankind

 

growing up taking on two kids

starting at the age of five

raising them as my own

my brother and sister

my childhood was deprived

 

a few years back

I went back

mandatory court visit

he wanted custody 

all he did was try to rape me

 

I tried to kill myself

a few times

once with a gun

once with pills

once with a knife

 

I'm not like other girls

you ask what's wrong

I say i'm fine

I learned at a young age

I can hide behind a smile

 

I hate being judged

people don't know me

not knowing what I went through

not knowing of my life

that living hell

 

I used to cut

but no one would know

I hid the scars well

made them go away

now you can't tell

 

now I smoke

its how I cope

but I cant tell

you'll only criticize

just add to this living hell

 

I don't act my age

hell, I have grey hair

i'm only 17

go ahead and judge

I learned to not care

 

I can hide the pain

not care

make it all go away

just smile

hell, i'm not in denial

 

I have bad anxiety

depression also haunts me

just some things I need to overcome

things in me

I have to set free

 

this is me

some things I went through

now you know me

I don't know if you can tell

my live is a living hell

Reviews

[chicandsleek77]

I am so sorry this happened to you. i have never experienced something like that, but i could feel the emotion.

[Child of God]

This is amazing I could feel the raw emotion deep within my soul, and I too grew up in a living hell mine was not as bad as yours though I hope you recover soon because I bet behind all that sadness, depression, and i'm guessing little bit of anger I bet there's an amazing person underneath and i'd the chance to get to know her if that's ok with you. anyway great work truly amazing kido

[hmarieee]

Thank you very much and yes. After 12 years of depression I finally decided to stop hiding and decided to go see a therapist. I feel so vulnerable but I know I can get through this. I'd rather live then be depressed my whole life. Sure, i'd love to talk. Just message me anytime.

[Child of God]

sounds good i'd love to message you and just kinda pick your brain because I love meeting people and I love listening lol and just reading your stuff makes me want to know you more because it takes a lot to put that kind of emotion behind words and you did it beautifully again wonderful job hun and keep pushing forward i'll be here if you need someone to vent to

[FlatLineBeauty]

I have been through similar and I am sorry you had to experience this. People today are sick and twisted. I feel your pain and know some of the hate and feeling of not caring anymore. If you ever need a friend I am here. Like you, writing helps me too. xo Winter

[hmarieee]

Thank you for your kind reviews, if you ever need a friend I am here for you also sweetheart.

[Kenaz]

A sad story all too often told. People come in extremes it seems. Good to see that you made it through and good luck in your writing.

[William J. Marsh]

Even though I am a guy, my childhood was very similar to yours. At a few months old my step dad through me against a wall in an effort to kill me. After years of abuse at the age of 12 I became homeless. Just like you my defense was always pretending to be happy. I always thanked God that I was not a girl so that the rape issue was not a part of the picture. Your writing is awesome! I am older now and truly happy. I have answers that might help. I hope that you will feel free to contact me any time. Keep writing, keep living, keep hoping. Life can change in a heart beat and goodness is right around the corner.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

My heart aches for you Hannahmarie... To go through such pain and tribulations can wear your soul to the bone. I only hope you see that you are your own person now, pave a new direction and walk with pride.
This is a well expressed write, very emotional.~xoxo~:)

[hmarieee]

Thank you Robbie and to this day I do suffer with depression but I hold my head high. I know i'm going somewhere and I know I can do great things. Thank you for your review.
-hannahmarie xo

[Robbie~xoxo~]

And your optimism will take you far in life. Don't let the depression get in your way... writing is the best medicine. Keep penning, Sweetie!~xoxo~

[Laura Harrison]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this. I'm always here if you ever need me

[hmarieee]

It's okay, just had to let the thoughts go... I was a little over the edge last night.

[annabellee]

I'm very sorry that you had to go through all this crap.
Very good write, honest and sad.
I really hope things will get better :)
Great work :)

[hmarieee]

Thanks and it always gets better.

[annabellee]

you're most welcome, glad to hear that :)

[koty bell]

Beautiful write but also very sad..im truly sad u went through all this...u ever need a friend or just someone to talk to im here...anyways great write!

[hmarieee]

thank you and same goes for you.

[koty bell]

No problem at all.. :-)