soul strings

What does it feel like to preserve your inner self with all that you can muster?

What does it feel like to coat your skin in a shimmering numbness, and to lock yourself away within a tightly bound basket of smiles?

I ache to know that feeling.

My insides keep overflowing out of me, drenching my surroundings.

Splattered on everything in sight like a gruesome crime scene

Dripping rhythmically to the ground.

Pooling into puddles filled with

Distorted self-portraits.

With every overly eager smile

Every moment of eye contact

Each laugh

I can feel myself desperately trying to make a connection with someone

Anyone.

I can feel my heartstrings lace themselves between every snippet of conversation

Attempting to bury its roots in every moment

My vision is washed in purples and blues and the slightest kiss of gold

And I can see my fingerprints on everything that I touch

It is as if I have been turned inside out

How I wish I could gather myself up

And fold these longings for connection and belonging

Into neat piles in neat little boxes

Stacked away deep into my conscious

But I have been drowning for too long

I can’t just build a boat for myself out of the salt water that consistently burns my lungs and wrenches the breath from my throat

I am floating on moments of love and laughter

And trying so hard to build a sturdy foundation out of the smallest bits of joy

But the tiniest force

The slight graze of one’s scissors

Reverberates across my entire being

And I can feel myself recoil

And that sunlight that I can see far above me

Dancing above the water’s surface

Disappears under a cloud

Who knew that all of this empty space insides of me

Could have such resounding weight?

Reviews

[transentience]

You float through your words with a depth and vivification that seems to undermine any weight pressing down on you. Keep up the exquisite work~

[hdean]

thank you so much!!

[mhylands]

Reading your work, I can very much understand the mentality and soul put into each piece. Keep up the good work, I will look forward to seeing more exploring these works born of true feeling and emotion.

[hdean]

thank you!