Blank

Trying to create just a moment of silence
Pure enough to hear my thoughts

But I can't stop the wind
Or my heart beat
Not yet

It's a compromise 
To listen to the anxious whirring of my breath
The only constant 
But I don't count on it at all

It's just like you said
I wish we had taped it
Like frosting over with a photograph

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

especially strong last stanaza...."like frosting over with a photgraph"

if only we could tape life...run it over again, and change what we don't like about ourselves...and sometimes that silence gets so loud my thoughts are in a din of chaos...

but i still try to listen...

another really good write...two slight typos...."it's a compromise" and "it's just like you said"

but wow...you are so concise...you don't waste any words..and that is a gift.

less is more...always

jacob

[Behrsy]

Thank you so much (typos will be the death of my pride), I do strive to keep minimal wordiness in my writing.

[Helene K. S. Jensen]

I agree with Kyra. It was a bit confusing and I would have liked some elaboration on some parts, but all in all I liked it. A great subject for a poem :)

[Behrsy]

thank you very much, which part exactly was confusing?

[OfDeathandLove]

I like the subject, but I'll have to admit it was a little confusing. A little more detail in each stanza, especially the last, would help it be more coherent, thus making this poem into a great piece of writing.

[Behrsy]

Thank you for the feedback. Especially for this piece, I wanted to keep it concise and perhaps a little vague. I'll see on making it more coherent though.