At You..

another feather adding to the poem "The word You" ..

I had begun

To live ... To live...

With you in me...

I had begun

To learn... To learn...

With you in me...

I had begun

To find peace... Peace...

With you in me...

I had begun

To learn how to smile...

With you in me...

I had begun

To understand myself...

With you in me...

And then you departed..

With everything..

Life has no meaning...

The smile has no reason...

There's no talking to you...

There's no peace inside..

There's no place to hide...

You walk past me...

You ignore my gesture...

I've lost my reason...

My tears too have abandoned ...

I try to stabilize...

I try to seek solitude..

I try ... I try ...

It's only a matter of time..

For you .. But for me..

When I see you...

Everything seems to stop...

My smile... My thoughts...

My mind... My heart ...

I just stop ...

Stop at you...

At you ...

Author's Note

tried adding something more, with little stanzas ..

Reviews

[Becca Bishop]

You know, almost every other review has called this poem "lyrical" and I'm determined to break the mold and - oh, what the heck! LYRICAL LYRICAL LYRICAL!!!
This is great!! I'm daily amazed by the insanely talented writers on this site (you're definitely one, by the way). This is beautiful and heartbreaking all at once! I love it!

[Hamza]

:) thank you
at least for a change we have a new word for this piece ...
thank you again for understanding the depth within this .. :)

[Eve]

I love this, simply, so much emotion , really enjoyed the way you pushed the emotion into the last 3 lines.

[Anjelica Allen]

This is so sad. :(
It's desperate. Beautifully desperate.

[Sunny Skye]

Beautiful poem! Nicely written. I like the flow and the repetition of words it makes it kind of persuasive. Good job!

-SkyeBlanco

[Hamza]

thank you for your kind words .. :)

[Sunny Skye]

My pleasure.

[Shruti]

The persuasion on words by writing them twice...conveys your strong belief in what you are writing like I had begun to live....live. Very innovative and impressive.

[Hamza]

thank you :)

[Zammy]

i see you are magnetically attached to this word "you"
very nice poem
i loved it deeply and yeah it gives that lyrical feel
:)

[Hamza]

haha
i'm not sure about that but the person behind this you is worth writing about ..
that's the truth behind it :)

[Adam Whitworth]

I'd say its style is more mechanical than lyrical. That is not a negative judgement, just an observation about the style, and of course it could become lyrics for a song.
good one hamza

[Hamza]

Well, I'm not sure what mechanical would mean in this context but thank you if you think they could become lyrics... I'm overwhelmed over that ... :)
Thank you again ..

[Adam Whitworth]

perhaps mechanical is too strong a word. I just feel that 'lyrical' means beautifully flowing whereas this is more a list of clipped-off phrases. Again, no criticism, I'm just disagreeing with people calling it lyrical.

[Hamza]

well, it was indeed written like that.. by bits...
So you're probably correct ...
Well at least for a change ... :)

[KarinaT]

Rythmic, heart breaking and musical. You should try to write lyrics for music if you don't already do so

[Hamza]

well i don't and i had never thought about it ..
i'm not that good anyway ..
thank you once again though :)

[KarinaT]

Actually , you're very good because you reach people with sometimes few words. That is a difficult thing to do.

[Hamza]

That might be His gift ...
Though I was not aware of it .. :)

[KarinaT]

The best poets and writers never are aware of their gifts. They just write and the reponse they get helps them come to terms with their expressive abilities. Writers write. Simple as that and you are one of them.

[Hamza]

i feel really overwhelmed over this ...
i don't deserve such honor ... i don't really deserve it ..
but thank you for all the kind words ... thank you from the deepest corner of my heart ... :)

[KarinaT]

Keep writing - that's thanks enough :-)

[Hamza]

:)

[Lunette Lariz]

I love how it's done like a song. I imagine how a man could sing this. :))

[Hamza]

well, when i wrote it, i never imagined it would be viewed as a song ...
but now i'm pretty sure it must be lyrical .. :)
thank you for the review ...

[Lunette Lariz]

My pleasure. :)

[anxia]

Hamza, You have done yet another beautiful work!!
I was actually singing this poem. Its so like a song so lyrical!!!

[Hamza]

thank you anxia ..
and pray that the one it is for finds it good too ... :)
:) :)

[anxia]

I sure will and so hope!! Seriously who can not be enamored by this heart felt note?!?!

[Hamza]

that's why i always remain perplexed i guess ..

[anxia]

Lets hope ....

[Hamza]

:)