One day In Life ..

writing in the subconscious ...

One day in life I apprehended this
that your presence was undeniably
all I ever required, and your smile
was the paradise that I longed to see..

One day I tried making things erroneous,
placing everything inoperative just to see
how you would do to craft it correct and
resolve the chaos that I had shaped ..

One day in life I tried to hold you
by your hand to feel the tenderness
that I never ever had felt prior to
so that I too could articulate I had one..

one day you called me unfamiliar
someone you never knew at all
and all I could do was get over it for
to let you go, It meant letting go my life ..

if only you knew what it meant
to hear you out, listen to you
then you would have known how ugly is
that very moment, in which you aren't there..

 

Reviews

[Kelsey]

I think it's safe to say this is one of my favorite pieces of yours. I feel it was written strongly, with much emotion, something that bleeds through to the reader as it's being read. I feel the ending sums it up nicely, and gives you the feelings I believe you were aiming for with this piece. All in all, very nicely done. x :)

[Hamza]

well .. thank you for your kind words kelsey .. you always have nice words for me ... thank you so much :)

[dunnia]

This is beautiful i absolutely love the fourth stanza its amazing :)

[Hamza]

thank you so much .. :)

[Becca Bishop]

I don't care what anyone else says: great write. I love it, I love it, I love it!!! There's such a strong sense of mourning and loss (to me at least). It's great!!!

[Hamza]

that's so sweet of you .. thanks a lot !!
:)

[Cwortknee]

The last two lines are my favorite..
"then you would have known how ugly is
that very moment, in which you aren't there.."
A lovely piece on the feeling of longing after someone. An enjoyable read, thanks for sharing!

[Hamza]

thank you very much .. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Hamza, There is a feeling of longing and loss but also a bitterness to this piece. An interesting write.

[Hamza]

thank you John ... you understood it quite well .. :)

[kublakhan27]

A uniquely-written glimpse into this state of longing...like your other recent poem, it's a personal piece but still understandable to many who read it...nice work^^

[Hamza]

i guess i always write on personal grounds and that's what makes them real for me ... thank you so much :)

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome, the personal pieces are certainly the most rewarding, especially when you can still reach out to others in the process :)

[Tarry Franck]

that your presence was undeniably
all I ever required, and your smile
was the paradise that I longed to see..

Loved it

[Hamza]

thank you so much for this .. :)

[Lover Of Words]

Nicely done

[Hamza]

thank you so much :)

[Lover Of Words]

My pleasure :)

[WingsToFly]

Sometimes poetry's just more about feelings than the usage of strong words. Anyone who can relate to it will understand it better and like it. I like it.

[Hamza]

you possibly did get the idea behind this but sometimes words just aren't enough to express ...
read moreyou possibly did get the idea behind this but sometimes words just aren't enough to express ...
this is what we call falling short of words ... thank you for liking this ... it means a lot :)

[WingsToFly]

It is a beautiful and touching poem.

[Hamza]

thank you so much :)