FORWARD

"I submitted this one to the Veritas Literary Portfolio in our university. It actually went in. I wrote this one at the back of a test answer sheet while taking a midterm exam."

a blithe wind blows the sail

of the tiny vinta in the smooth sea

alone and restless in the vast blue

the tiny vinta sways like a rainbow

with the moon and a star to guide its way

the vinta looks up and smiled and sighed

as the dainty sail bends in the dancing breeze

the tiny vinta thrusts its tail to the forward way

and even though darkness veils the wide ocean

the small vinta oars to twilight

Reviews

[HamonoAkira]

Yes you are quite right there. The poem really lacks enough emotion to grasp audience. Apparently, i'ts got something to do with the choice of words. To wit, I wrote this poem while I was taking a midterm exam. However flat and tasteless this poem may be, it's got everything in it connected to the exam I just took. It was an exam on Philosophy. I invite you to look more metaphorically. Again, I despise my own choice of words. It was poor. Thanks for the comment! :)

[Lilith]

This poem has beautiful imagery, but it lacks emotion. it feels as if you wrote it simply to write, which we have all done from time-to-time, instead of writing from pure and raw emotion like a poem should be born from.