Just this once

the burden resting on stimulated shoulders

When I close my eyes

I fall into a trance

Visions of aftermath

where days no longer drag

and nights give new meaning to turning in

 

When I open my eyes

I stumble with sobriety

the days comes rushing back

where time seems to ever lap

and resting remains unsteady

 

When I close my eyes

I see you there

willing, yet uncertain

open arms -

from a distance

a step forward - defining alarm

 

When I open my eyes

I see the way it can be

free from boundaries

merging souls - yearning for

the urgency to release -

a pristine alliance

 

When I close my eyes

I feel the massive weight of

what was - what could be -

what is - and what should be

the scars of yesterday, the dreariness of today

and the fear of tomorrow 

 

 

When I open my eyes

I'm extending a hand

proposing an ease

to the strife within

 

 

When I close my eyes -

 

I want to hear you say you believe

 

Reviews

[jaime]

I like to read pieces two and three times before commenting on them. This one was a joy each time. I like the free flowing structure and the overall feel. Reminds me of times when I close my eyes to rest and I am flooded with so many images and thoughts...then open my eyes and see another world to think about...our minds ever going. Great job!

[Donald Cole]

Standing on both sides of a fence? inside versus outside? I like the themes, were you to connect them more? I see that either state, open or closed eyes, is not necessarily a safe place.
nice imagery here. I like this

[Dexter Killian]

Wow, quite different

You speak in a different way than most do

quite unique

[Wildecat]

An awesome poem, a definite pleasure to read.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

I love this...
The opening and closing of the eyes and the feelings brought forth...I love the ending...So much emotion coming from this piece...
Excellent poetry!

Lynda

[MelLo]

how i feel half always! well put! a relationship never certain, full of fear but hoping with open arms for a new and fruitful future.

[Chaos]

Well I see you have recieved many comments regarding this piece, so my points may be moot, but I'll tell you my thoughts anyway. I liked the flow of the piece. I was very distracted with the opening and closing of your eyes. I got lost in that image and for me it clouded the rest of them. I would like to see this poem with a little less distraction. I don't think this is one of your better ones. I'm not a writer, but rather an observer of the world and the written word. I love this poem for the deep introspection and I think that if you reword it and rework it a bit, this would be wonderful.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Very nice poem, your words flow nicely across the page, speading caring emotions. Well written.
Thanks for entering my contest, the best of luck.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

i love free flow and i like this poem .. it speaks to me and so many of us can relate.. you wrote it well.
I love the last line .. wonderfully done.
Chloe
xoxo

[dilettante1890]

It's well put together, flows nicely, and has that broody sort of heaviness that I think is distinct in your work.