Declining

Backwards

nocturnal haze; submissive distraction

persevered deliberation -

 

wait an hour - repeat

 

befuddlement denotes this show

constructive days retreated some time ago

 

remnants of a confident lass loiter

behind false ambition is where it lies

 

longing for poise to return with vengeance

 

courage forsakes will

once stood a rock -

 

now stands a pebble  

Reviews

[GlaxoCrux]

I remember the first few poems of yours I read (a long time ago), not specifically, but in a general way, and I must say you've solidly improved craftwise. The ideas were always there, but your technique, things like line breaks, strophe breaks, syntax and diction have become much better... this is exemplified in lines such as: befuddlement denotes this show

constructive days retreated some time ago

Here, to use this one rhyme in the middle of the poem, along with the easy rythmic flow of the two lines combined, adds a subtle music to the piece.

courage forsakes will

once stood a rock -



now stands a pebble

What a brilliant ending, and brilliant and meaningful image. They often say of musicians--its not what notes you play but what notes you don't play, in other words to use space and silence effectively... you do something here that it took me a long time to do as a poet, and which is one of the simplest (at least seemingly) things one can do to make a poem flow better... leave out little words, such as 'a', 'it' 'the'...
to say once stood a rock, now stands a pebble, instead of , for instance, 'where' once stood a rock, or 'there' now stands a pebble... the phrasing (again a musical term and poetic term) is perfect in this instance...

Very enjoyable read, and though I won't say its my favorite of yours, it is a very well done poem nonetheless.

[Last Lying Look]

This was another amazing write. I really liked:
"longing for poise to return with vengeance"
That was a line that really stopped me right in my tracks.
I liked it so much I had to read it over and over again.
Fantastic poem!

-Elissa :)

[Michael X]

wow, really nicely done, and the depth is truly contemplative,
I really like the way you brought the vision together, finishing with the pebble,
clever crafy and well thought out. and a pleasure to read.

[nocturnalbeast]

Great poem!!!!.
I enjoyed the read.

[jaime]

reminds me of days (nights actually) when I could be writing or being productive instead i waste time checking WC, myspace etc...and time ticks on....
love the rock to a pebble visual...very good poem loved it

[☮]

Courage forsakes Will. Now that's interesting. Honestly, that's the line that got me that most. Sometimes people think the two are synonymous but you made me think on how different they are. What a unique mind you have.

[Brandon]

Nicely worded and overall great job.

[Lestat's daughter]

Another great poem.

[Leran Vakem]

Oh what a great piece is, the older you get the smaller you get and bigger the world get.
I like this vey much will be back to read some more
Leran Vakem

[Dr. S. D. Blankenship D..]

I can possibly related to this poem. I love the flow, the meaning is great. and I love you vocabulary. To take a rock and turn it into a small pebble very vivid my friend. Very indeed.


Hudson.