L'âme damnée

Entrapment.

<i>(You said once.)

I still want her.

(You said <b>once</b>.)

I still want her.

(You promised. <b>Once</b>.)

That was before. I was leaving. I decided to leave. It's different.

(You. <b>Promised</b>.)

It's different now.

(How so?)

I'm with her and I want her. I want her to look at me. Just me, forever.

(How is that fair to her?)

It's not fair, I have no excuse. But I can't help myself. I can't stop the way I feel.

(You can.)

Just as I can stop breathing.

(You can.)

Just as I can stop my heart from beating.</i>



Flowers are meant for butterflies.

<i>(You've always wondered why petals feel like wings.)</i>

Sometimes I can pretend to fly.

<i>(But as far as I fly, I am just a flower too.)</i>

And a flower needs a butterfly.



I've wondered before what I feel. If I was in love with you or if it was just me breathing and not knowing how to stop.

It was at that moment when another part of my mind clicked, and I suddenly understood what they meant. Those artists have the secrets of the universe, you know. That time I understood what "you are the air I breathe" and "I'm desperate for you" meant. What "I know I have to stop but I can't" and "So much it hurts" and even "You'll be the death of me but it's such a nice way to go" meant.

<i>(Because it's my heart beating and not knowing how to stop.)</i>

It was me breathing. Inhaling deeply and exhaling deeply and it's an altogether neglected human function but I'll die without it.

And you were - are - breathing for someone else.



You watch him when you think no one watches you. I know it because I watch you all the time. I can watch you with my eyes closed. I can watch you in my sleep.

<i>(What I would give to have your eyes watching me.)</i>

But fool I am, I had given up on you a long time ago.

You need a man.

<i>(Someone I tried to be.)

(Someone I can never be.)</i>



Your lips were soft.

It was once. Just once. I repeated it over and over again as I felt you glide, hum, melt, burn under my touch. Just once. Just once.

Your tears were hot. Searing. Healing. Breaking me to pieces again and again and again.

<i>(Once. Just once.)</i>

It was a promise I wanted to break with my life.




What am I, anyway.

<i>(I'm just a whisper from the past. A shadow from the present. A flicker from the future.)</i>

I would always be around. Such as I was doomed.

Forever a haunting ghost longing to touch what cannot be touched, cannot be felt, anymore.



I can go anywhere and not find eyes like yours.

Always kind. Always forgiving.

<i>(What will it take for you to stop forgiving me?)</i>





<i>Why can't I just learn to let you go?</i>