Freezerburn

a walk in the woods

it’s cold in the forest-

fat, wet dots of white fall silently

and stack upon themselves.

the trees are grey and barren:

even the evergreens are brown and dead.

we leave tracks like deer; long and

narrow, that curious rabbits sniff

long after we’ve left.

i’m in nothing but a sweater, pants,

and hat, yet i’m too warm

even in this world, where spit freezes

moments after it leaves your mouth.

(i know, because our tongues nearly froze

together.)

our hands are laced together, and

my left, your right, are chapped and red,

devoid of feeling. i think it migrated

to my chest: i’m shocked our passion

hasn’t melted the woods, shocked

the thrumming of my heart hasn’t caused

an avalanche.

 

(i think later my fingers will need

amputation,

on account of frostbite,

but i don’t care)

Author's Note

opinions on flow? also are the final lines a good conclusion, or do they need more?

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I will say this read well in the lines...keep me going through the verse...I would narrow down the last like...to read as such:

(i think later my fingers will need
amputation,
on account of frostbite,
but i don’t care)
----------------------------------------------------
(later my fingers may need
amputation,
on account of frostbite,
but i do not care)

just IMPO...I would do that...if you want to keep the lines in perspective with the whole presentation of this write...or do without it completely...without a clutch ending...