work in progress

 I hated studying, which is why i was on my roof when it happened. Even though no one believes me I saw it.
 
I did.
 
It was cold so I had my hoodie zipped all the way up and a knit cap on, the stars were in their usual glittering place, the moon a distant sliver. White clouds of warm breath seemed to mix with the slowly moving banks of grey clouds.
 
I like nights like that, a few weeks before winter when you can actually stand outside and feel the stillness in the air. Like everything is a moment caught in time, a glass picture that any moment could shatter into a million pieces.
 
The streak of yellow light made me catch my breath and shattered my quiet moment.
 It was fast and low and big, real big, I was seeing blue in my eyelids for a few minutes afterward and the sound it made when it passed over made me feel like i had just crapped myself.

 I don't know why but I found myself taking the stairs down the side of the building two at a time and fumbled with my car keys until I was driving down the road toward the thing I had just seen.
 You can say whatever you want and write down in your report whatever you want but I'm telling you the truth when I say that I felt compelled to find it.

 You know when the phone rings and you swear to yourself that you knew it was about to ring, my whole body shook with that feeling.
 Anyway I drove down the road, I live in the country so it was easy to follow the light in the distance, the pine trees.

 My radio wasn't on and the quiet and the strange feeling made a little tense and nervous, the deer that jumped in front of my car had no chance.
 So after screaming and trying not run my car into the ditch I stopped and looked at the damage, my hood was a mess and that poor thing was a little ways in the road bleeding and kicking a little. One black eye staring at me in fear and pain, the yellow light rose and fell behind me causing my shadow to cover and reveal the sick tableau like a tide.

Something about the adrenaline of the accident and the way my body seemed to swell and shrink with the beat of the light I felt almost inhuman, the blood on the road and on my car and on my hand, I could smell the metal and all I wanted was to find the light and walk into it.

I didn't do anything about the deer, just walked away and got back in my car, the smell of blood followed me and my hand left a mess on my door and steering wheel. I didn't care, in silence I started my car back up and drove on.