chapter 3-ish

 

Dusty road beneath my shoes and the heat of the Texas sun on my back, I put my head down and squnt through the light. I hear dogs barking in the distance and the sound of machinery from the factory down the road, it feels like I'm in a foreign country.

 

I look at my hazy reflection in a store window, see the dirty and wrinkled blazer the grey pants that are rolled up and covered with dirt, I stop and look at the people as they wander about the store, looking at pieces of clothing, trying to talk themselves into buying one more thing they don't need.

 

Someone sees me and begins to stare, I smile and give a little wave, someone else stops and looks at me, pretty soon it's the whole store, a dozen people looking at me like an animal in a cage. But I'm the one on the outside.
 

Creeped out a little I walk away, looking for the bus station that lies ahead, I need to get back to Chicago, and from there head up to Wisconsin. My book should still be in the safe house and my handler is spending the summer somewhere up north, I kick a rock and watch it bounce into the road.
 

I was a little concerned about the distance that i had traveled the previous night, it can be dangerous, doing these little jumps, never mind that I lose most of the day when I do them, they also leave me feeling very confused.
 

A truck rumbles by and someone yells something at me with a thick southern accent, I ignore them and look up at the blank blue sky, not a cloud to be seen.
I breath deep and hold the image of a merkaba in my mind, the source is a radiant red and blue but it doesn't stay for long and just as I'm feeling the shivers it goes away, my concentration is fucked at the moment.
 

A long bus pulls out in front of me and I follow it with my eyes to the squat white station, I wipe sweat from my eyes and hope the wide building is at least air conditioned.
 

More hot air blows in my face as I pull the glass doors open, it's the new millenium you'd think we could afford a little central air in this day and age.
 

I look around at the line of blue plastic chairs, the dirty white walls and the few wandering people that are waiting for a ride out of this dreary little place.
 

I stop at the metal grate and tap on it until a little old lady walks to the counter and gives me a half smile,
"Yeah?"
 

I look at the chalkboard and the departure times and try to decipher the tight cursive writing, should have brought my glasses.
 

"Hi, I need to get to Chicago, as soon as possible, think you can help me?"
 

Looking at a folded piece of paper she waits a moment before replying in a shaky voice,
"Next Chicago bus is leaving tommorow at 2."
 

Sighing I leaned my forehead against the metal grate and tried my best to smile,
"Okay, fine, I'll take a ticket."
 

"That'll be fifty dollars."
 

I didin't have any money on me, hell I didn't even remember buying this suit, which was trashed by the way.
"No, I'll just take a ticket."
 

I felt the shivers start in my chest and my palms tingled for a moment, like a hundred orgasms in the middle of a thunderstorm.
The blue ticket is slid across the counter and I grab it with a quick thanks.
 

I smile as I walk out of the station, no I don't feel badly about what I did, compared to what I could be getting away with a free bus ticket is nothing.
 

I loosen the white undershirt, and look at the patch of gray sweat staining the front, I don't even like suits, what the hell was I doing last night?

Practically panting from the heat I wandered around until the motel came into view, a seedy little building that looked like a converted apartment building, the old man that sat behind the counter looked at me througha pair of thick glasses. Looking at the vacant room keys I pointed to one and smiled,
"I'll take room five please."
 

Spinning the keyring around my finger I whistled as I walked down the purple hallway, my room door had a faded roman V painted above the keyhole. I turned the key and pushed the door open with my hip, the happy little tune on my lips slowly died off when I entered the room and turned on the light.
 

A pale yellow glow reflected off the white walls and the dirty blue carpet, an old tv sat atop the dresser and was plugged into a vcr, a stack of tapes sat in a neat little pyramid atop that.
 

I kicked the door closed with my foot and sat down on the wide bed, I felt hungover, tired, and hungry.
Looking at myself in the black convex reflection of the TV screen, I tried to smile but the effort was wasted.
This is my life, sitting in a dirty hotel room waiting for the universe to move me.