When the Winter

When the winter cold and dead

Grips the splinter inside my head

I go out into the snow

To renew the seeds I sow

The sun hangs heavy in the sky

Reminds us of the time gone by

How we’ve grown; what we’ve done

Forgotten with the setting sun

When we come beneath the moon �"

Our time grows warm again.

Soft and subtle the instance is

True and present there and then

His with hers and hers with his.

Reviews

[E.V. Black]

Glancing back over this, it reminds me of something like a reverse sonnet. Usually, a sonnet has alternating final rhyming words. The last two lines usually rhymed with each other, different from the rest. Here, I feel as if you switched up that pattern, which is very intriguing. Before, I wrote a criticism before I really looked at the poem a third time. It is interesting how you did it, and it no longer confuses me. Did you intend to reverse the traditional sonnet? Because I feel as if that is the case.

However, I do feel like some of the words don't properly rhyme: "moon" and "again" feel very awkward to try to rhyme. I think that there could have been a better choice here. Regardless, I believe the poem to be very well done. I read over some of the material a fourth time. Reading it another time, I feel that I am beginning to understand the true depth of the poem. I love the use of nature and the seasons that bring together these lovers. I love the fact that the speaker reminisces about what has changed, but I do feel that you should have gone into detail about what memories the speaker was thinking about.

Otherwise, this was an enjoyable poem for me to have picked apart. I really got into it. Thank you for posting it for me to read!

[I Cast a Shadow]

I'm flattered that you spent so much time on it haha. This is my own traditional approach to poetry. I sort of write these in a very short amount of time and then I look them over and change very little. It's sort of a surreal approach to get what is in the unconscious as much as I can. I let the rhymes sort of do there own thing. I felt some lines should rhyme and then when it seems to get to be too much, I decide not to rhyme for a line or so to mix it up and keep it fresh.

[E.V. Black]

I am delighted that you are flattered! I had fun picking it apart. I haven't done it in a while, so I'm a little rusty. However, tonight I've been flexing my critique muscles. They are all warmed up now! Sometimes I just start writing and let myself go. It doesn't make sense at the time. When I go back and read it, my writing pieces itself together, and I am able to make something of it. So, I understand this process, and I think it is a great way to create poetry. Sometimes rhymes pop up into my poetry as well. Recently, it has happened with a poem I am going to post in the future.

[Paige H]

The rhyming scheme works well with the poem. It's not forced or overdone. Good work!

[Cool Handless Luke]

great opening lines. and a beautiful poem indeed. nice work!