A light in the dark

This is the first poem I wrote, it's based on an Inside/Outside poem style of writing, and it talks about how the world is a dark place where people stay inside their homes wishing for joy.

Outside/Inside Poem

By: H4zem

Outside skyscrapers cover up the dark night sky 

Inside i'm reading fictional books as I sigh

Outside the world is gloomy and dark

Inside I hear my neighbors dog bark

Outside the city sky is covered with layers of smog 

Inside my only friend is my pet frog 

Outside the world is filled with death, dreamers, and dystopia

Inside i'm living conscious of my upsetting reality 

Outside the world will never be how it was before 

Inside people are wishing for it to be a little more of something to adore

Author's Note

I would love some feedback on my poem and tips on where to improve. I hope that one day I could write more and more poems for a bigger audience.

Reviews

[Ayvid N]

A poem with a difference and that makes it a special read for me tonight. The rhyming is also brisk except in the 4rth verse where you have not rhymed. Is there a reason you chose not to? Overall, your poem has a lovely concept and the outside inside worlds are very interesting. Keep posting 🙋‍♀️

[H4zem]

Thanks so much for your interest in my work, I was attempting to go for a rhyme in the fourth verse but I had trouble coming up with one, hopefully in my other poems I'll spend more time on them and try perfecting them as much as i can. Overall thank you so much for this kind review it really motivates me to keep writing. :)

[Ayvid N]

Your are most welcome:)
Please keep trying and the words and rhymes will come eventually. Took some time for me too and it's a lifelong journey of learning and perfecting.
I'm always here if you require any feedback.

[H4zem]

Thank you so much for your encouragement and feedback!

[Chris Shaw]

Such a contrast here between the outside world and the inside. It reminded me very much of the insular lives many were leading under lockdown rules. The outside was a gloomy dark, unsafe place at times while the inside may have been safer, but far from ideal. Keep writing and more so reading other poets will help you progress.

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

This is a nice first submission. Keep on writing and don't stop. Write about anything and everything that inspires you. Writing and time is the best way to improve on your art. Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

[H4zem]

Thank you so much for these kind words. Everyone
has their own ways to feel free and be at ease and
for me thats writing. Hopefully one day my poems
will be enjoyed by more people and will inspire
others to achieve their dreams.

[shakespearean]

Wow! this is such an inspiring poem... it's really touching and special. The words are interesting and I would love to see more of your writing, I can't believe this is your first poem! You have raw talent and I'm excited to see future writing pieces 😄

[H4zem]

Thank you so much your feedback really means a-lot to me. I really tried to connect with the reader through my poem and give them a sense of comfort while reading it, and I hope that one day my poems can be seen by larger audiences. Have a good evening.😊