Nowhere, Everywhere

In a place so loud and crowded, I found myself lonely in a city that shines so bright. In a place I called home, I felt so lonely that I wanted to die, again, and again, and again. I am stained by this loneliness, a stain that would not fade even if I drown myself in bleach, even if I rip myself apart. Glimpses of that bright smile cascade through warm and untroubled eyes, eyes that do not seem to know how to lie. Who would have known that it would not take long for me to bear this wretched loneliness again? I feel so alone through these smiles. How come they act so blind seeing a frail grin, that reveals agony whenever I stand in a room of familiar faces? Familiar but unfamiliar. I'm stuck in place pondering questions such as where am I? What am I supposed to do in this world? What is my purpose? Oh, how blind and deaf am I meant to be, to just question over and over again? Why do I feel alone in a room filled with those who are dear to me? This place I always thought of as my home, finally did not feel like home, I had waited for a long while and it started feeling like an eternity. The embrace started to feel constricting, I had nowhere to go, where do I place my worthless self in this universe that voids my entire existence?

 I've been desolate in the cold that now I long for my words more and more, as I desire the warmth of recognition from another lonely soul. Once more I'm drowning in the spaces, in the blank pages, words that are absent from my mind, it appears to be that it keeps fleeing from my cage. I'm suffocating through the words I utter. I write till the words rhyme, yet it does not hold significance in this universe where it just seems to be flashes of light passing through the leaves as you stroll down the streets. I can't get a hold of the words I write, they run wild yet so stable in a piece of printed paper. I'm lost unimaginably, in a universe that does not hold responsibility for the way I'm slowly turning into the parasite I was born as. Leeching onto little hope of reaching a state where I feel as if loneliness itself is the only companion I need. Through screens of color, I found myself obsessed with words I wanted to write as if it were mine. I'm lost and so are my words. I'm alone and so are my words.