Missing

It was cruel to keep teenagers inside doing AP Statistics on a day as beautiful as this one, Lilian March thought to herself.

She had, possibly, the worst seat in the entire classroom for fourth period math. Usually, Lili enjoyed sitting next to the long windows that overlooked the bay. There was never a shortage of interesting things to look at, and she was able to spy on handsome Andrew Recou when his gym class traveled outside.

Today though, it seemed like punishment to be taking a test while warm light filtered through the glass and bounced off her paper. Lili sighed, stealing a glance around the room. Fourteen heads were bent low over their tests, while a few other kids gazed at their phones. She wished for the millionth time that year that she excelled at math, or even better, that she didn’t have to take it.

“Lilian, eyes on your own paper please.”

Lili returned to looking at the equations, although her focus was nowhere near found. She scratched in an answer to number seven on the test, chewed the tip of her pencil and changed her mind about it. Perhaps she needed to do eight times pi, rather than six times pi…

A loud and sudden ring distracted Lili again from her work. A few other students looked up, mildly interested in what the noise was. Mr. Arnold grabbed at the phone on his desk before speaking gruffly into it.

“Now?” he was saying. “We’re in the middle of the midterms exam, can’t you wait to see her?” He paused. “I see. I’ll send her down.” He clapped the phone back on its receiver and fixed his pointed, icy stare on Lili.

“Miss March,” he called. “The principal would like to see you. Please bring your exam up to me and take your things.”

Glad for the excuse to leave, Lili didn’t bother wondering why Miss Delarose wanted her. She shoved her calculator into its pocket and practically floated down the aisle to his desk. Morris watched curiously from his seat by the pencil sharpener.

Morris Norison was undoubtedly the dorkiest, most embarrassing person to ever attend Granite Bay High School. He might have even been the dorkiest person to ever live in Wisconsin. Unfortunately for Lili, he was also her only friend. Morris pushed his glasses farther up his nose, watching as she left. His glasses, while a real prescription, were wire framed and round. He never brushed his hair, so black locks stood up from his head like fledgling’s downy feathers. For three months of freshman year, he’d brought a cloak and wand to school until the vice principal said it violated dress code.

Lili knew that Morris’s alternative style was a physical manifestation of his love for Harry Potter. To her dismay, every other sophomore in Granite Bay knew also and found that as reason to tease him mercilessly. The bullying never bothered Morris though - for reasons that she could never understand.

The hallway was quiet as Lili walked down it. Fourth period didn’t end for another twenty minutes and the only occasional sign of life in the corridor was the wind’s soft sighs coming from open windows in nearby classrooms. She was hot still, although the sun wasn’t beating down on her anymore.

Miss Delarose’s office was at the front of the school by the gym, while Mr. Arnold’s AP Statistics room was in the very back next to the boiler room. The silent hallway seemed serene to Lili. The spring air smelled like peonies and lemon and she was incredibly comfortable in clothes that were for once not jeans and a heavy sweatshirt. It was rare to get such warm weather so early in the season. Eventually, Lili came to find the main office. The secretary glanced up as Lili entered, her backpack jingling on her shoulders.

“Can I help you dear?” the secretary asked. “Do you have a pass?”

“Miss Delarose called me in. I’m Lili March.”

The secretary’s face changed from wrinkled placidness to a tightly knit, overly happy smile.

“Of course, Lili, of course. Miss Delarose was expecting you dear. I’ll just take you in right away.”

The secretary pushed out from the desk and led Lili around the back to a door marked Karen Delarose: Principal. Lili looked at it while the secretary knocked. She’d never considered the fact that Miss Delarose had a first name before, much less that it was something so normal as Karen.

Miss Delarose opened the door right away and nodded to the secretary, saying, “thanks Cindy, I can take it from here.” She held the door open wider and beckoned at Lili to enter.

“Lilian, hello, come in please and make yourself comfortable.”

Lili’s tranquil state disappeared when she went into the office and found three more adults waiting there. Two of them wore suits, while the third had on a crisp black police uniform. His hands rested on his belt, where Lili spied something black and shiny.

“Oh my god, is that a gun?” she exclaimed. Miss Delarose put an arm on her shoulder.

“Lilian, that’s officer Yung.” She steered Lili towards the tall man in the black suit. “And this is detective Costa.”

“Detective?” Lili felt weak in the knees quite suddenly, and she gripped the door handle for support. How did the school find out what she’d done? Did they call in police for matters like this? Shouldn’t her mom and dad be there also? “Did - did something happen? Did I do something wrong?”

Miss Delarose guided Lili to a brown felt chair next to her desk. The other person, a woman, was sitting in the other chair. Her blouse and suit jacket were immaculate and made Lili certain they’d found out what happened last weekend.
The woman turned on Lili, brown eyes flat but kind.

“My name is Rachel McCrae. I work with CPS, do you know what CPS is Lilian? Child protective services, you knew that right?”

Numbly, Lili nodded. She couldn’t bear the thought that her mistake - probably the single greatest mistake of her life - had warranted a visit from a social worker.

“Where is my mother?” Lili found herself saying. “You can’t talk to me without a parent.”

Miss Delarose sat down in her spin chair and gestured to the two cops. She looked helpless, which was a pretty big deviation from the cool, collected woman she usually was. Her cheeks were flushed red, eyebrows knit tight together with worry. Even her black and grey hair seemed curlier than normal. The office was very warm all of a sudden. The light that poured in from outside was stifling, like a hand crushing Lili’s chest. The sun was a hot vice. Sweat trickled down Lili’s neck.

“Lilian - may I call you that? - I’m a representative for CPS. That means I stand in for children whose parents perhaps can’t. In a legal situation, until I can find a better substitute, I am your acting guardian.” Rachel McCrae leaned forward in her seat, peering into Lili’s eyes.

“Why are you my ‘acting guardian’? Why aren’t my parents my guardians?” Lili looked back and forth between Rachel McCrae, the cops and Miss Delarose. “Why am I here? What’s going on?”

The detective came forward with a sullen face.

“Lilian, when was the last time you saw either of your parents?”

Lili frowned. This was not at all what she had been expecting.

“Two days ago I guess. I saw them Monday night, after school,” she said.

“Not this morning?” asked detective Costa. Lili shook her head.

“I’m on the track team. I run pretty much every morning at five and by the time I get home they’re gone for work. Tuesday after school I went to a friend’s house to sleep over. Wednesday night they had reservations for dinner and they got home after I went to bed. Why? What’s wrong?” The heat in the room had reached such a temperature that Lili was surprised her sweat wasn’t boiling off. Miss Delarose reached across the desk and patted Lili’s hand. The cop stepped forward to speak.

“Lilian, I’m afraid to tell you that neither your mother or father showed up for work since Monday morning. They didn’t answer their phones when I attempted to call and the GPS on their cars and phones have been scrambled.Your parents haven’t been seen for three days, including today. ”

Lili felt her heart drop. This was not what she’d been expecting. No. Not at all. The confusion felt like cotton swabs stuck in her ears. Fuzzy and thick, uncomprehending.

“So… nobody had seen them,” she repeated dumbly. Detective Costa nodded.

“Well they wouldn’t leave me. What about Kendall? My sister… they wouldn’t leave us. Something must have happened, where are they?”

Nobody said anything. Her heart beat in time with the clicking clock. Each tick grew louder and somehow magnified her heart. She could feel in her chest, in her shoulders and her thighs, in her hands and in her ankles. The ticking clock and her beating heart were one in the same, waiting feverishly for someone to say something.

“Lilian, Kendall is gone as well.”

That was the straw, the thing that tipped her. Lili stood on wobbly legs, breaking Miss Delarose’s grip and backing away from the adults. The stiffing heat had returned. The sun was almost cruel. Mocking. Lili’s breath came in short pants as she tried to work out a possibility as to why her family was nowhere to be found. Nothing came to mind. Slowly the world narrowed to an out-of-focus little tube, blinking in and out of existence. People were calling her name but it was distant and warped, like she was underwater. There was no ground below her and suddenly Lili was falling falling falling…

***
The ceiling Lili woke up to was unfamiliar. The ground beneath her was hard and scratchy. Lili’s head thudded like a migraine was coming on. A face appeared over Lili, giving her a clear view up the left nostril.

“Lilian, Lilian honey are you alright? Can you hear me?” Rachel McCrae was leaning close and staring worriedly. Lili grunted, realized she was on the floor and tried to push herself up.

“What happened?” she asked as she propped herself up on her elbows. Miss Delarose shoved a glass of water at Lili.

“You fainted. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you need something? You were out cold for about fifteen seconds.” The social worker took Lili’s hands and pulled her up. The cop rolled Miss Delarose desk chair over for her.

“My mom and Dad,” began Lili. “My sister… are you saying they’re gone? Where did they go? Why didn’t they take me?”

Detective Costa exchanged a glance with Miss Delarose. Rachel McCrae patted her hand again and murmured, “shh shh.” Like Lili was a baby. Like she needed comforting.

“Honey, you’re going to come back to CPS with me until I locate a relative. Maybe an aunt, an uncle?” Ms. McCrae was talking again in that lilting, soothing voice.

“No,” Lili said. She covered her face with her hands, shaky and off balance. She felt as though she might pass out again. Her parents wouldn’t have just have just left her. They loved her. The sun was hidden behind clouds again. Lili uncovered her eyes and peered around Ms. McCrae’s shoulders to look out the window. It had turned windy and rainy within just a few minutes. She wanted the sun back.

“Lilian, you have to go with Rachel now. She’ll find you a suitable guardian until I can find your family. We’ll talk further, after you’ve had a chance to truly understand what is happening,” detective Costa said. He looked briefly to the social worker.

The bell for the end of fourth period rang. It was loud in the office. Lili stood, breathing unevenly and feeling out of focus. “I need my stuff. My lunch and sweatshirt is in my locker.” Miss Delarosa nodded and said to grab it before she left with the social worker. Lili refused Rachel McCrae’s offer of an escort to her locker downstairs. She scurried from the office as fast as she could.

The halls were choked with students now. They were no longer the peaceful corridors she’d thought them to be. They were noisy and hot and people passing brushed hands with Lili accidently. She turned by the english hall to go downstairs and immediately the space opened up with a blast of cool air. Her locker was in the middle of the row, branded with a happy birthday sign from last month. A tall person stood in front of the door, head bent, shoulders hunched. She knew who it was. Morris.

He looked up as she neared the locker and stepped aside so she could get to it.

“You left math early,” he said as she spun the lock combination. She didn’t say anything back. He was quiet until she opened the door and began pulling her sweater out.

“You left math early,” he repeated. Lili paused, sweater half draped over her shoulders. She took in a breath that racked her lungs. She couldn’t say anything, so instead she turned to Morris and looked at him with teary blue eyes. His stance went from stooped to concerned. His round glasses slipped down his nose.

“What’s wrong?”

She said nothing still, but dropped her backpack on the ground with the sweater and a textbook. She knew Morris wasn’t big on platonic touching - or any touching for that matter - but she needed his friendly comfort, his familiarity. Morris stiffened when she wrapped her arms around his chest, but it only took him a few seconds to hug her back.
“Are you okay?” he whispered to her. Lili sniffed, nodded against his chest and pulled away. She bent to pick up her books and said, “I have to go for a while. Um, there’s something wrong with my mom and dad and so I have to go stay with family.” She straightened, brushing away black hair with one hand.

“What happened with your parents? Are they okay? Is Kendall okay?” Morris had a particularly soft spot for Lili’s twelve year old sister.

“Everything is fine, it’s just a tiny little thing that came up. I’m staying with family,” Lili said. She tried for a smile but could only manage something that looked mildly like she was in pain. Morris glanced up at the wall clock. He looked as though he wanted to ask what family she was staying with, considering she’d never mentioned anyone besides her parents and sister. He held himself back from the question.

“My anatomy class starts in a minute,” he said. “You sure you’ll be okay? Will you call me when you get to your family’s place?”

Lili murmured a yes and watched as he stepped into the neighboring hallway. With him went her last shred of stoicism. A silent couple tears rolled down her cheeks. Lili closed her locker and thumped back up the steps to Miss Delarosa’s warm office, where the adults that would decide what would probably be the most important decision of her life.

***
Riding in the car with Rachel McCrae was painful. It wasn’t silent, far from it. Classic rock poured from the speakers softly and Ms. McCrae jabbered on about whatever she could think of. Her dog, her nephews, how cute Lili’s shoes were and how beautiful her curly black hair was. Anything she could think of that didn’t have any relation to child protective services or Lili’s predicament.

Lili rested her head on the window, watching raindrops spatter the glass. She barely heard the words coming from from Ms. McCrae’s mouth, instead thinking about what would happen when they arrived at CPS. How long would she be there? When would her parents come back? Had something terrible happened to them? She couldn’t believe that just sixteen hours ago she’d loved them for not being home for dinner and just fourteen hours ago she’d left a seething message on Kendall’s phone, accusing her of stealing Lili’s favorite yellow blouse. These things seemed so trivial now. Everything had gone from a slow, leisurely stroll to something like a track meet. It went so fast her head was spinning.

“So Lilian, what are you interested in? Have a favorite subject in school?”

“I dunno. History I guess.” Lili didn’t feel like talking. The conversation was annoying.

“History was always my favorite also. It’s fun to learn about our past, isn’t it?” Ms. McCrae turned off the highway. The car came to standstill at a red light. “Tell me about your friends. A sweet girl like you probably has more than she can count.”

“Not really. Morris is my only friend. I’m not particularly social.” Lili’s icy tone brought an end to the small talk. The two of them sat enveloped in classic rock music until Ms. McCrae’s shiny toyota pulled into the parking lot of a squat brown building. Ms. McCrae let the car idle in a parking spot for a few minutes.

“I won’t lie to you Lilian,” she began. “This is going be difficult until I find either a foster family or relative. I want you to know that my door is always open to you. I truly am concerned for your welfare.”

Lili turned to look at her. Rachel McCrae’s face was lined, her mouth pinched. She did look concerned. Lili thought that her hair, straight and auburn, looked just like her mother’s did. Lili cast her eyes away from Rachel McCrae’s solicitous gaze.

“You only care because it’s your job.” And with that Lili unbuckled and unlocked her door. She started walking towards the building without Ms. Rachel McCrae.

Inside it smelled of body odor and oddly enough coconuts. There were no other kids in sight. Lili stood in the doorway, watching adults answer the phone or click away on computers. She suddenly felt very small. Ms. McCrae opened the door behind her, slightly out of breath from chasing Lili up the drive.

“Well,” she panted. “Come on I'll show you upstairs.” She pointed towards an elevator in the back of the bustling lobby.

“The children are not allowed down here,” Ms. McCrae explained as they walked through. “Especially during office hours. We’re a bit strapped for space, so it’s really for the best if you stay up in the children’s area at all times.”

Lili scanned the lobby. A bit strapped for space seemed to mean that every single piece of furniture and every single person that could possibly fit inside, plus more was shoved chaotically inside. She made it to the elevator, squeezing through people hurrying around and sidestepping feet. Ms. McCrae must have said hello to a dozen people in passing. The elevator was quiet, cool, jingly little music playing tinnily from the speakers. Lili watched the numbers above the door grow until it reached four. Ms. McCrae looked down at Lili.

“Keep an open mind.”

The elevator stopped moving.

“Everything will turn out alright.”

The elevator dinged merrily.

“The detectives will find your family.”

The elevator slid open. Ms. McCrae put an arm over Lili’s tensed shoulders.

“Welcome to CPS Lilian. We’re happy to have you.”

Author's Note

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