About to lose us

When you're single the world is much simpler. You tend to look at things in less colors. You go out regardless the possible consequences of your actions, you judge other based on your freedom. You are whoever you feel like being. Nothing really matters. When you fall in love, the world becomes a pretty damn complicated mess. It's like you don't only worry for your happiness, you look after someone else's too. You stop judging others and their relationships, mainly because you don't want to be judged. Yo think of the consequences like you never did before. You find a much more safe way to go to cloud nine, which at the same time the most dangerous, 'cause to know when you fall, it's gonna hurt like a b***h.

Relationship are like one of those Chinese riddles; they'll make you think, but none has a real answer. Riddles like "is it time to say the L word?", "what if he's lying?", "what's extacly cheating?". Let alone with the relationship has the 'in-da-closet' factor or when it started as a casual thing and none after 8 months asked "wanna be my boyfriend?".

It is spring break and half my complicated relationship went away for a couple of weeks to switzerland so at a point I found myself 'bored' and a really old hook-up reached out to me to ask me what was a doing tonight. The question always not exactly to asked me over and play some cards game. I couldn't help myself but to ask him for his own boyfriend, and go figure, he was just another spring break widower. I write half a sentence and take my hands off the keyboard asking myself "what Am I doing? Is this cheating?". Sadly no magical answer came to me. No little angel nor little devil on my shoulder gave me any kind of advice. The old me would've said yes right away, well, the old me did actually. However, the new me had no idea what path to choose in this crossroads. I thought of how much I liked the other person, I thought how uncertain our relationship was.  Damn. I thought of many fantasies I have with him, then I remembered the odds of the becoming true aren't dry high. Damn.

Long story short, my old hook up and I didn't do the naughty. Although I'm still not sure if the reason why it didn't happen was the one the rest would like to read.