Nocturne of the Sepulchral Fire

The Olive grove glistens

with the white light of the moon.

A slow, hollow light, sliding down

in fluorescent beads and settling,

quietly; it collects in little pools.

The quick-silver heart of the grove

is overflowing, mixing moonlight and

blue flowers.

The bees have left Buzzing with the day,

and the crickets have begun to sing

at the return of their queen 

across the high altar of the sky.

Here in the grove,

the honeycomb-night has scattered

into a clean resounding silence;

broken only by the occasional, 

rushing, wisps of wind. 

Here I have found the beautiful 

jasmine of the night;

I have found the sepulchral fire

of unfettered desire.

Under the olive quilted gaze 

of her lunar-blue eyes

i have found a quiet-calm

away from the clamor of 

tyrannical days. 

Reviews

[Sarah]

Hey, I'm sorry, half my review was cut off! Okay, I basically said that it reminded me of Midsummer and that this is a compliment and your poem was very captivating and ethereal. :D

[Sarah]

Beautiful!! Description of nature is so pretty, and yours is very fantasyesque. Actually this reminded me of A Midsummer Night's Dream. >

[Samuel Ferris]

eh your right some of the metaphors arent straight forward enough, honeycombed nightis just ment to draw a parallel with the day and the idea of droning, bees, crickets, with in there set habits, or chambers of life. i originally also was trying to describe the way the branches of the olive trees split the moonlight and the night to create a pattern on the underbrush, and i should add cricket in with the sounds that break the silence. Silence, dark, or in action are all conflated. Light, sound, motion, are all the same in the world of this poem.

Sepulchral fire of unfettered desire, is me saying the grove i have found the beauty to end quests for beauty. Through ritual(sepulchral fire) i have finally found a satisfying beauty and through ritual it is that i can lay my desires to rest.
I agree though, i will have to find a way to more clearly get that message across.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Sam,

This is a beautiful piece. The opening stanza sets the mood. The second stanza continues in the glory of the first, and is probably the best stanza of the piece with its beads of light collecting in little pools.

“The bees have left Buzzing with the day”, is another beautiful line, the only perplexity being why “Buzzing” is capitalized. And the lines “the crickets have begun to sing / at the return of their queen” is inspired.

However there are some things I find a bit strange with the piece. I have struggled, for example, with the phrase “honeycomb-night” and cannot understand what thought or mood you are trying to evoke. How does “honeycombed” apply to the night? I also had difficulty with your description of the night having a “clean resounding silence, / broken only by the occasional, / rushing, wisps of wind” when you had just so eloquently described how the crickets were singing. A final difficulty was with the lines “I have found the “sepulchral fire / of unfettered desire.” These words sound beautiful as has been remarked by a previous reviewer, but how does “unfettered desire”, which is certainly a hallmark of vibrant life, become associated with a fire that burns in a tomb? These seem diametrically opposed to me, and so I am struggling to understand what thought or emotion you are trying to put forward.

But after these mild confusions, you close the poem brilliantly and beautifully with

“I have found a quiet-calm
away from the clamor of
tyrannical days.”

These are wonderful words, and this is a truly peaceful stanza. It is the perfect ending for a poem describing a moon-lit night in an olive garden.

Best regards,

Rick

[Alessander]

this is filled with vivid descriptions and unique phrasing

The Olive grove glistens
with the white light of the moon.

this opening really sets the tone and theme for what is to come. The work has a really acradian feel to it - almost in the tradition of Pastorals or Ancient Roman verse.

My only minimal suggestion would be to break up that bulky 4rth stanza. "Here in the grove" would seem logical. I think it would help keep the pace of the poem. Also, I would like rhymes through out (ESP in the 4th stanza), not just in some stanza's and not in others. This piece isn't highly structured, nor should it be, but even your off rhyme of pool/moon help carry it along. The last stanza is a perfect example of occassional rhyme really helping the poem (gaze/days) - maybe a little bit more of that sprinkled through out? Nice work.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

such a beautiful choice of language in this.. my favourite images are:

Here I have found the beautiful
jasmine of the night;
I have found the sepulchral fire
of unfettered desire.

(because it gives a gorgeous mouthfeel when spoken aloud)

and

The bees have left Buzzing with the day

(the whimsy of it catches my imagination, and reminds me of dickinson..)

[JENY]

Intriguing….
Wise combination of words….
To express the inexpressible…..
Great...

[Bexfinch]

wow its beautiful it feels almost as if I was in a beautiful garden It was wonderful!!!!

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

Your imagery is astounding. I went back to read the pooling of the light repeatedly. It worked so well! You focus on fresh ways to express this scene. Very well done! I can't think of anything to change :).

[faryn wolff]

So delightfully heavenly. This is a lovely piece. It put me in a whimsical mood and a content frame of mind. Your words are woven together beautifully. Thank you for sharing. It was a delight to read!