Teenaging

I wrote this over a year ago, and despite what some may call "corny rhymes" or "childish" I differ to think it is what allows the poem to flow; it may seem childish but again, what is the poem about?

Like brand new meadows after snow,
her fragile heart unshaped with glow.
She prances through the average stress,
to prove no person will stain her dress.

The raspy screams of doves new birds,
call her name through washed out words;
yet she hearkens the sound of "True loves' kiss"
destroying her goals and every wish.
She closes doors on rancid hearts
effaced her good like spoiled tarts.
Like tender laces she unties again,
escaping the teenage mess shes been.
Oh she'll walk with bows and her hair all curled,
and not let one boy blanch out her world.

-Olivia

Author's Note

this is the very first piece I am sharing on this site. Please respond with instructive critisim or anything you like.

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

I don't think the rhyming is cheesy. I would just caution you to not force rhyming if it doesn't make sense. You can use a rhyming dictionary to find a suitable rhyme. I'm not sure I understood some of the imagery like "unshaped with glow" or "doves new birds." But I love the last line of the first stanza, "To prove no one will stain her dress" or "not let one boy blanch out her world." I definitely think the title applies because it describes a teenage girl's angst and not wanting to be branded or owned.

I don't think anyone can call writing poetry childish or corny though. You're sharing a piece of yourself through your writing and showing your world to others. I would encourage you to just keep writing poetry. You're going to write some great ones and you're going to write some not so great ones.

Rating: 9.0/10.

[Olivia F. B]

thank you. i absolutely agree. The reason I implied the childish and corny inferences on what people would recieve is because my Freshman English Teacher would constantly tell me that whenever she read some of my poetry. I am glad I was able to understand your perspective and will now apply your advice to my writing.